Saturday Mar 06, 2004

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the whiskey is slamming me in the head............acck!!!

la was a dream i want to have every day...and soon it will be! i keep going back and forth.......sooner is better so i think the better will be done.

missing you and denver is happening as many times as i breathe in air........sometimes more often.....but this morning it's not happening as frequently as the thought of what i did last night..

i miss amy!

i miss dagger!

missing makes me sad........hopeful..........happy.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
cupidvalentino:
in response to "you don't know me" yeah, that is what i was thinking at first, that it is good to have a close friend with no pressure of sex etc. but what later occured to me is that i think its something a little deeper than just that. when i describe my perfect imaginary girl, im basically describing her. i think i've almost idealized this girl to the point where i can't even imagine her in a sexual situation, because that would somehow spoil her. i guess that is because sex in my mind is so closely linked with bad relationships, pain, loss and alot of general ugliness. i almost feel like i can't bridge the gap between truly liking someone and seeing them as a sexual object. most of my relationships, no matter how long they have been, have been on a really superficial level. its like i can find a girl i really like and be great friends with her, or a girl i'm indifferent towards, have a very superficial connection with her and get laid.
oh, and i value your opinion as well, or anyones at that.
cupidvalentino:
you're right. there can be no harm in it, but what i think i realized most from thinking this all through, is that i'm probably not ready for my "dream girl" at this point, because i would most likely end up hurting her and hating myself for doing so.

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