Tuesday Jan 20, 2004

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today, another day. going home in 3 days. long needed. prepping for the fights with my family whom i'm travelling in the first place.

i'm becoming obsessed i'm afraid with this concept of understanding what SHE is thinking. i don't want to be with her anymore, but for some fucked up reason i still need to understand what she's doing indie the sweatshop of her mind. i suppose it's because she could never open the doors to me when we were together so now i can't seem to take no for an answer. but how can you be so sweet and nostalgiclly happy one day and the next act as if there's no point to even talking anymore? the sense i need i'm not making. it's scaring me.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
stillifegaijin:
the mind is a terrible thing to taste...it tastes awful...bitter...it's a lovely looking buffet but stay away. you'll never know...i will never know. the world is filled with SHE...the world is beautiful and magical but hates us all. try to still love it. SHE is killing herself...
pezboy7416:
but i don't want HER to keep doing that. once a month at 3 in the morning through tears she would tell me the truth, that she was scared of time, and that she wants to throw the walls in the scrapyard. she just always remembers her mothers training and her fathers hatred and has a new set of walls up before you can blink. i dunno, it shouldn't be that way. it is i know, that's why i'm having difficulty. i wanna let her go but i'm afraid what will happen if she keeps ending up dissappointed in herself. i always care too much.

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