pezboy7416:
live
pezboy7416:
ink
and here forth is the longest note i've ever lft on my sg fridge.....
so .......... it's been awhile and my life has changed in these past two weeks more than i ever thought possible......
we (stillifegaijin) always do this.... we fall so fast it's like we were never standing up...... so we do and we are.
she is the most amazing mesmerizing delightfully un-assuming...
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so .......... it's been awhile and my life has changed in these past two weeks more than i ever thought possible......
we (stillifegaijin) always do this.... we fall so fast it's like we were never standing up...... so we do and we are.
she is the most amazing mesmerizing delightfully un-assuming...
Read More
stillifegaijin:
my reply. (late but it here)
the sunshine heals. the world tastes better than it feels (sometimes) - we fall. fast. i'm not sure what makes me get out of bed anymore but if i need to prove myself to anyone, you're right, it's me. only me.
our arms are long. this country isn't as wide as it seems. we are reaching.
i've given in and accepted that there is more to the world than sound. sound makes everything else possible but everything else is nes-es-scary. we want more from the world. from these people. i'm over. the past is finally dead.
think.
there is nobody left...m is still loved but so far away. aside from her, you are my oldest friend that still matters. it took awhile but i realize that i am happy this way - starting over - leave NY and find this freedom - NYC is still too tied to the ATL. i am gone. you are the only one i wish to have here.
but a warning - it is real and i may go to korea for some time next august...six months...a year...no more than a year. only if my love stays with me and we figure it all out. i will go and return and be fresh. maybe it will all fall apart but the possibility is there - i am realizing i need change, constantly, more experiences. more of a world to write about - and i believe that B may be the one. so we tie our lives together - but not at the expense of anyone else that i love ------ i have ideas of how to make it work. but i warn. - still, this place, this life is finally all that i had planned with HER but lost. i found a more earthly and concrete version. one that feels like home and not a film i'm trying to cast myself in. B makes me feel closer to the people i love not distanced. come join the party.
well, i've lost track nd i'm not sure how much of this is a response and how much is my solution to your equations. at best i's only a partial solution. i've lost a decimal point somewhere and get graded mediocre.
want to know a secret? she said those words...it really happened.
and i feel the same for you...and us for ghosts...and ghost for no one.
love.
the sunshine heals. the world tastes better than it feels (sometimes) - we fall. fast. i'm not sure what makes me get out of bed anymore but if i need to prove myself to anyone, you're right, it's me. only me.
our arms are long. this country isn't as wide as it seems. we are reaching.
i've given in and accepted that there is more to the world than sound. sound makes everything else possible but everything else is nes-es-scary. we want more from the world. from these people. i'm over. the past is finally dead.
think.
there is nobody left...m is still loved but so far away. aside from her, you are my oldest friend that still matters. it took awhile but i realize that i am happy this way - starting over - leave NY and find this freedom - NYC is still too tied to the ATL. i am gone. you are the only one i wish to have here.
but a warning - it is real and i may go to korea for some time next august...six months...a year...no more than a year. only if my love stays with me and we figure it all out. i will go and return and be fresh. maybe it will all fall apart but the possibility is there - i am realizing i need change, constantly, more experiences. more of a world to write about - and i believe that B may be the one. so we tie our lives together - but not at the expense of anyone else that i love ------ i have ideas of how to make it work. but i warn. - still, this place, this life is finally all that i had planned with HER but lost. i found a more earthly and concrete version. one that feels like home and not a film i'm trying to cast myself in. B makes me feel closer to the people i love not distanced. come join the party.
well, i've lost track nd i'm not sure how much of this is a response and how much is my solution to your equations. at best i's only a partial solution. i've lost a decimal point somewhere and get graded mediocre.
want to know a secret? she said those words...it really happened.
and i feel the same for you...and us for ghosts...and ghost for no one.
love.
waiting. i'm waiting for the day to come and say when it's ready to take me to the other side of this destitute continent and give to me the truths that's it's been promising around every corner...hiding around every lightpost and billboard.
my one is sitting in the place where we'll be two and at long last in the same fucking city....
the excitement and...
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my one is sitting in the place where we'll be two and at long last in the same fucking city....
the excitement and...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
sassy:
you won't find the truth in l.a.... i'm thinking of going to your side of the "destitute continent" to find the truth, myself.
grass is always greener?
or did i misunderstand you?
grass is always greener?
or did i misunderstand you?
pezboy7416:
nope.you read it right...
hmm..
hmm..
so i'm trying to understand the difference between being alone and being alienated....
alone seems to be fine with me.it's how i always end up and spend most of my time bue being alienated is starting to get to me. especially since i'm not sure what to do about it. feeling seems to be my curse. i wanna be numb and not care about anything.....
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alone seems to be fine with me.it's how i always end up and spend most of my time bue being alienated is starting to get to me. especially since i'm not sure what to do about it. feeling seems to be my curse. i wanna be numb and not care about anything.....
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
karismic:
hmmmm...interesting, i must say i do enjoy being sad sometimes, i like pain and hurting. but i find sometimes i find it gets to be to much and i have to try and change it. maybe thats cause i'm a wishy washy person or it's cause i'm a girl and they have there ups and downs.
i notied winks makes you happy,
i notied winks makes you happy,
pezboy7416:
yes they do..........
temporal happiness and loving friends is keeping me afloat.
temporal happiness and loving friends is keeping me afloat.
so the air is starting to feel beautiful all the time...nyc is getting harder to live in cos i know i'm leaving in five months...(yay). i love it here but l.a. is calling and it's getting harder to plug my ears.
a. is there a. loves my mix cd's i make for her. a. says they're better than any she's ever been given. a. makes...
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a. is there a. loves my mix cd's i make for her. a. says they're better than any she's ever been given. a. makes...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
pezboy7416:
it's all good yo, juss lizzie me on the hizzie ya.
a said she's coming after the first of july and i'm gonna try to plan it all soon cos i gotta tell david cos i wanna take my other week of vacation when you guyses are here. so. it's cool just let me know when you can.........but i can't the first week of august so hopefully that confuses everything a little more cos that's what i like to do and i do it right yo!
love you fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a said she's coming after the first of july and i'm gonna try to plan it all soon cos i gotta tell david cos i wanna take my other week of vacation when you guyses are here. so. it's cool just let me know when you can.........but i can't the first week of august so hopefully that confuses everything a little more cos that's what i like to do and i do it right yo!
love you fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!
stillifegaijin:
love you too...
it's my descision..it's for the best. everytime she calls or a i want to call her i think i'm gonna go mad.....
oh shit..wait.. i already am.oh well.
oh shit..wait.. i already am.oh well.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
mallory:
youre an SG collector!!!!
pezboy7416:
After carefully laughing just hard enough to snap a couple of ribs but not to puncture my mashed-up,thrown-out,too-soft heart.....i admit yes...i am.... 
has anyone else heard the new mum album?......perfectly splendid.
life is heating up here in the l.e.s while i can't decide what the hell i want to do about girls/love.......knowing is feeling and feeling is getting confusing.
l.a. feels so far away...
inspiration is around the corner, i see it glancing my way and soon it will strike with a vengeance and i can finish...
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life is heating up here in the l.e.s while i can't decide what the hell i want to do about girls/love.......knowing is feeling and feeling is getting confusing.
l.a. feels so far away...
inspiration is around the corner, i see it glancing my way and soon it will strike with a vengeance and i can finish...
Read More
stillifegaijin:
i'm back...for awhile. a year at least. explain later. love you.
pezboy7416:
YES!....someone to talk to again...my silent ramblings were going to shit without any comments on their clearly invaluable characteristics.
love you
love you
a moment of time for the passing of the illustrious stillifegaijin. farewell.
and i'm crazy. don't worry i'll be alright in a few more(many more) years.
rock and fucking roll. yeah!
and i'm crazy. don't worry i'll be alright in a few more(many more) years.
rock and fucking roll. yeah!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
trent:
you getting commited?
pezboy7416:
they wouldn't take me.
....waiting for the winter to pass......or is this spring?...these days of cloudy mists and rain falling like so many tears from the eyes of the universe.......why would they be crying?..why wouldn't they?!
god...time never moves in the direction we wish it to...WHY?.....adversity can be the greatest learning tool or the strongest adversary...i wish we could choose which one we want it to be every time....
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god...time never moves in the direction we wish it to...WHY?.....adversity can be the greatest learning tool or the strongest adversary...i wish we could choose which one we want it to be every time....
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
stillifegaijin:
hey pez...i think i'm gonna ditch this scene...abandon SG...it's becoming less and less interesting to me. looking into saving the time and money. any major opposition?
pezboy7416:
major opposition?...hmm.....sticky words.....it's the easiest and fastest way for us to talk but we don't even utilize it like we once did so i guess not.fine leave me..alone abandoned waiting for the sun to come and scour my bones of this stupid flesh. waiting.
sounds that will not stop for the knocking in our heads won't let them.can you imagine all these things being heard inside my eyes.the colours and blips.this life will be the beginning of the perfection one has imagined for many years. yes. excitement growing. talk.talk.
fuck fatigue. they offer pills. i don't want. so i drag. fuck this knee. it needs to get better soon...
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fuck fatigue. they offer pills. i don't want. so i drag. fuck this knee. it needs to get better soon...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
pezboy7416:
destroy your fear of happiness.....
stillifegaijin:
yeah...working on that...first, i need to destroy my insecurity. B's mom told her that B and i are soulmates...awww...how cute. funny, i think it's true.
the feeling of being unfucked makes me particularly happy on this 40 mph wind..30 degrees..sunny(!!!) day in the nyc......
jersey has little to offer in any other way than peace....it's breathing........
how does the moniker "the missd" suit for what i'm gonna do with my words and sounds?
i have much to talk to you (stillifegaijin)about in the way of creating sounds that i'm constantly...
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jersey has little to offer in any other way than peace....it's breathing........
how does the moniker "the missd" suit for what i'm gonna do with my words and sounds?
i have much to talk to you (stillifegaijin)about in the way of creating sounds that i'm constantly...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
pezboy7416:
minion.no.
stillifegaijin:
come here...let's make sounds. first...email me. talk talk talk.