Hello SG world. I've been on this site since November, the month I was married (11/7). My loving wife fully supports my endeavors, and browses the site with me and on her own as well. We both love the beauty of the female form and I don't want to hide in fear from her what I love (like some friends I have who are stuck in marriages).
I open up with that to remind myself how lucky I truly am, despite my first post coming while I've been shut in my house for two weeks with pneumonia. For the first time in my 36-years, I feel old. It's scary. You aren't supposed to feel your internal organs struggle (outside of a few moments while on the bends after a rocking night) let alone your vital organs. There were times that when I tried to sleep, it was a struggle just to breathe. I could feel my right lung sticking to itself. On top of this, we ran into financial difficulties, and I found out that my job will not pay me for my time off.
It's strange that after 8-years in a relationship and outside of a death in the family, we ran into the strongest test in our relationship. I feared that I would leave her on her own. It killed me. But with her great instincts and care, I finally feel well enough to leave the house, to return to my thanks-for-nothing job tomorrow. Relapse is in the back of my mind, but sitting around starring at the same four walls isn't doing much for my mental health either.
I've always thought I've been true to myself, but this is another lesson that I can never be complaisant in thinking all is well. I always have to strive and it's a life long journey to truly connect with myself. I swear that in 2011 I will be a better person. I will take better care of myself (for one, bongs are being replaced with vaporizers, ha). I never want to scare my love ever again. I will surround myself with workers who do care, not ones who are plugged into a bigger entity. My job needs to be self-fulfilling. I can't work to make someone else money who won't even back me up in my time of need.
Also, in my lay-off of feeling well, I didn't touch my camera once. I miss my photography, and it's only been two weeks since I last snapped a photo of the rocking Emily Long at the Mercury Lounge in NYC. It was one of the hardest things to realize that I felt too weak to play. That scared me. With that passion for photography in me, why the hell am I a project manager?
So I'm glad I make this my introduction. It's a promise post I'm making to myself, to be the best that myeslf can offer to, well, myself. And I'm happy to be in a community on SG, fiulled with people who won't have it any other way. More to come.
I open up with that to remind myself how lucky I truly am, despite my first post coming while I've been shut in my house for two weeks with pneumonia. For the first time in my 36-years, I feel old. It's scary. You aren't supposed to feel your internal organs struggle (outside of a few moments while on the bends after a rocking night) let alone your vital organs. There were times that when I tried to sleep, it was a struggle just to breathe. I could feel my right lung sticking to itself. On top of this, we ran into financial difficulties, and I found out that my job will not pay me for my time off.
It's strange that after 8-years in a relationship and outside of a death in the family, we ran into the strongest test in our relationship. I feared that I would leave her on her own. It killed me. But with her great instincts and care, I finally feel well enough to leave the house, to return to my thanks-for-nothing job tomorrow. Relapse is in the back of my mind, but sitting around starring at the same four walls isn't doing much for my mental health either.
I've always thought I've been true to myself, but this is another lesson that I can never be complaisant in thinking all is well. I always have to strive and it's a life long journey to truly connect with myself. I swear that in 2011 I will be a better person. I will take better care of myself (for one, bongs are being replaced with vaporizers, ha). I never want to scare my love ever again. I will surround myself with workers who do care, not ones who are plugged into a bigger entity. My job needs to be self-fulfilling. I can't work to make someone else money who won't even back me up in my time of need.
Also, in my lay-off of feeling well, I didn't touch my camera once. I miss my photography, and it's only been two weeks since I last snapped a photo of the rocking Emily Long at the Mercury Lounge in NYC. It was one of the hardest things to realize that I felt too weak to play. That scared me. With that passion for photography in me, why the hell am I a project manager?
So I'm glad I make this my introduction. It's a promise post I'm making to myself, to be the best that myeslf can offer to, well, myself. And I'm happy to be in a community on SG, fiulled with people who won't have it any other way. More to come.