pervymama

My grandma has cancer again. She was just getting better. She was putting on weight, her hair had just grown back, and she and my grandpa were thinking about moving to Florida for the winter. The family was getting settled down, and Christmas was going to be stress-free... and now this goddamn cancer has come up again.

I've never really thought about a life without my grandma. She's just... grammy. She's been around since I was born. When I'm sick, I go to her house and watch The Price is Right. She makes hot chocolate by putting chocolate milk in the microwave. She plays Bingo at Wal-Mart every Wednesday morning. The idea of her not being around anymore is so scary. I've always wanted her to be at my wedding... but now I'm not sure if that will happen. In fact, part of me wants to get married really soon just so I can make sure she'll be there.

Christmas is going to be so tough. I don't know if she's going to do chemo again, because it was so hard for her last time. But the idea of knowing she only has so many months to live... god... I just can't think about it.

I don't handle these things well. I really don't know how to react to the news. My mom cried, my dad isn't really talking, and I've just sat in my room all night.

I just don't know what to do.