My horoscope says that "Mercury turned retrograde in my house of sex and death, inheritances and insurance..." I don't know, but it sounds exciting. It also says that I am due to experience the most romantic encounter of the past two years and something about me being ballsy and marriage. Wow! What fun!
I successfully avoided having Thanksgiving Dinner with my stepmother's family.
I spent my Thanksgiving with the best part of my family, my sisters. Went to my older sister's boyfriend's house They ate earlier, had a catered Thanksgiving dinner (oooooh). I ate the leftovers and had the best yams ever, I don't even like yams.
We hung out in boyfriend's bedroom while he lay on the floor becasue he's disabled and can't move, not normally but an incident happened the night before and they were all to happy to regale us with the story:
A couple months ago he was bitten by a poisonous snake in Indonesia. Different story altogether. Good news is he lived. The other day he got a massage and you probably know that when you get a massage it releases toxins and what not. So he still had poisonous snake venom in his system and it came to the surface. He was in his bathroom, going #2, when he looked at his hands that were broken out in hives and his lips were so swollen that they were hard. He hyperventilated and passed out on the shitter, fell forward and hit his head on the wall going down. So he's passed out, pants down. My sister couldn't move him, his body was locked in the position he fell in. The paramedics had to remove the door to get him out of the bathroom. But he's fine, on anti narcotics and he's going to have another massage.
That was the first time I met the guy.
My sister and I were telling this joke to everyone we saw yesterday:
"Did you hear that they were recalling Butterball turkeys? Yah, there was something wrong with them.
They forgot to butter their balls."
Har de harr harr!
My sister really wanted to see Finding Neverland. She's very insistent.
So we double date:
Her and kenny, me and kenny's friend. We'll call him Lipton.
Kenny is awesome and if Sister ever dumps him I'll ask if I can date him. No, not really, but he's that awesome. I can use the word "wacky" to perfectly describe Kenny.
Kenny's friend Lipton is the exact opposite, he's the most serious person ever. Odd pair. Lipton's actually very scary. He's this super buff ex army guy who looks like he's gonna snap at any moment. But he wants my nuts and he says I'm "adorable," that sounds very odd coming from him.
Anyhoot, Finding Neverland made my head numb. I wouldn't recommend it .
We went to the 24 hour donut shop and Kenny was watching the man make donuts, no doubt making creepy Kenny faces at the guy. That's exactly why there is a gate surrounding the counter, to keep the poor donut man safe from freaks like Kenny.
I was talking about something, and Lipton's giving me the strangest look. I thought it was just something I was saying. My sister see's the look he's giving me and asks,
"What the hell are you looking at?"
I look at her and she tells me,
"You've got a booger in your nose!"
So that's nice that Ass Patty didn't tell me, he just stared at it like it was going to jump out of my nose and attack him.
My sister brags about him for me, like she was the one dating him. She's telling everyone that he, "Looks like he should be in Top Gun."
It's flattering that a guy of that hotness thinks I'm the shit. But he's just a meatball. I can visualize a hamster wheel in his head and the hamster just gave up.
I'm more woriied about how my sister's gonna take the news that nothing's gonna happen than I am of breaking it to him.
But then again, I'd be devastated if she left Kenny. Maybe we should trade.
Play:
Sinead O'Conor - Nothing Compares 2 U
Sing loudly and obnoxiously to cause male suffering.
I successfully avoided having Thanksgiving Dinner with my stepmother's family.
I spent my Thanksgiving with the best part of my family, my sisters. Went to my older sister's boyfriend's house They ate earlier, had a catered Thanksgiving dinner (oooooh). I ate the leftovers and had the best yams ever, I don't even like yams.
We hung out in boyfriend's bedroom while he lay on the floor becasue he's disabled and can't move, not normally but an incident happened the night before and they were all to happy to regale us with the story:
A couple months ago he was bitten by a poisonous snake in Indonesia. Different story altogether. Good news is he lived. The other day he got a massage and you probably know that when you get a massage it releases toxins and what not. So he still had poisonous snake venom in his system and it came to the surface. He was in his bathroom, going #2, when he looked at his hands that were broken out in hives and his lips were so swollen that they were hard. He hyperventilated and passed out on the shitter, fell forward and hit his head on the wall going down. So he's passed out, pants down. My sister couldn't move him, his body was locked in the position he fell in. The paramedics had to remove the door to get him out of the bathroom. But he's fine, on anti narcotics and he's going to have another massage.
That was the first time I met the guy.
My sister and I were telling this joke to everyone we saw yesterday:
"Did you hear that they were recalling Butterball turkeys? Yah, there was something wrong with them.
They forgot to butter their balls."
Har de harr harr!
My sister really wanted to see Finding Neverland. She's very insistent.
So we double date:
Her and kenny, me and kenny's friend. We'll call him Lipton.
Kenny is awesome and if Sister ever dumps him I'll ask if I can date him. No, not really, but he's that awesome. I can use the word "wacky" to perfectly describe Kenny.
Kenny's friend Lipton is the exact opposite, he's the most serious person ever. Odd pair. Lipton's actually very scary. He's this super buff ex army guy who looks like he's gonna snap at any moment. But he wants my nuts and he says I'm "adorable," that sounds very odd coming from him.
Anyhoot, Finding Neverland made my head numb. I wouldn't recommend it .
We went to the 24 hour donut shop and Kenny was watching the man make donuts, no doubt making creepy Kenny faces at the guy. That's exactly why there is a gate surrounding the counter, to keep the poor donut man safe from freaks like Kenny.
I was talking about something, and Lipton's giving me the strangest look. I thought it was just something I was saying. My sister see's the look he's giving me and asks,
"What the hell are you looking at?"
I look at her and she tells me,
"You've got a booger in your nose!"
So that's nice that Ass Patty didn't tell me, he just stared at it like it was going to jump out of my nose and attack him.
My sister brags about him for me, like she was the one dating him. She's telling everyone that he, "Looks like he should be in Top Gun."
It's flattering that a guy of that hotness thinks I'm the shit. But he's just a meatball. I can visualize a hamster wheel in his head and the hamster just gave up.
I'm more woriied about how my sister's gonna take the news that nothing's gonna happen than I am of breaking it to him.
But then again, I'd be devastated if she left Kenny. Maybe we should trade.
Play:
Sinead O'Conor - Nothing Compares 2 U
Sing loudly and obnoxiously to cause male suffering.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
kirin_ka:
I did not know "Chica" was that funny of a word. Did I use it out of context or something? I don't know Spanish, so I probably did. What happened with that other guy? This can't be the same guy you went to the park with. Seriously though, what do you have going on tomorrow night before kareoke? If Unravled gets back in time we can go out for some coffee.
unravled:
I miss you too. And I hate that you saw Finding Neverland without me.