perfectly_flawed

The amazing thing today is my lack of self control.. I have be a total cunt all day today. It seems like nothing is going to go right for me.. I am now the offical babysitter for my neice. Which sucks ass, I have a job interview today. I dont think it would look too lovely if I brought her with me. So, I had to call up her old daycare and beg for them to take her for 2 hours today. I wish my sister would take responciblity of her child. I know I have been there for Taigen though everything. If it wasnt for me her daycare or clothing would not get paid for. He mom means the best she just needs to grow the fuck up and quit taking on too much responcibility. I understand she is trying to better herself by going back to college, But I can't raise this child. Goodness she's not even mine.. I ended up being the horrible aunt I never am, and took my frustrations out on Taigen when I should of been yelling at her mother.. I'm fucking horrible, and Now I feel like total shit.. Now, I'm crying.. got to go fix myself for this fucking interview.. Watch me blow this one again..

Well, my interview went okay. I should know sometime next week, so I can set up another interview with a supervisor.. So much bullshit to get a job. NOw I dotn even know If i want to work there.. I kinda want to go back to ebing a retail whore.. I really miss that a lot.. I'm a glutten for punishment.. I'm just feeling so down today .. I need love..

I must drown my sorrows in a big bowl of ice cream.. (yeah add a little more to my ass, like i need it...)

Autopsy song. OTEP!
i once,
dreamed of a world ...

without consequences,
without reminders ...
of this
brutal,
gutter

i am collapsed in.

once i dreamed,
but then ... i ... woke ... up.

[song]

...open wide, look inside
at my autopsy

i feel like a woman
i feel like i care
i feel like i shouldn't
i feel like a child of despair

i feel like it's over
i feel like it's coming after me
i feel like it's closer
i feel like this is all i'll ever be

i feel like a failure
i feel like a hungry parasite
i feel like a razor
i feel like a prayer lost in flight

i feel like ...
i'm hopeless

i'm afraid i'm a slave
i'm weak & average

i feel like a hammer
i feel like a nail
i feel like i'm guilty
i feel like the wrist that it impales

i feel like a butcher
i feel like i'm being deceived
i feel like a beautiful loser
i feel like all you sheep are laughing AT ME!!

OPEN WIDE
LOOK INSIDE
AT MY AUTOPSY.

look inside open wide
look inside open wide

i feel i'm a complete waste of time
i feel i'm transparent
i feel like i can't escape my mind.