Why is it that everytime it storms I can actually sleep? It can be thundering and lightening, but I'm out like a light or in a very deep trance. I just find it odd.. I'n a very good mood today. I actually got more than 4 hours of sleep last night.. Damn those sleeping disorders.. Hopefully it will start to chill out once again..
This little question has been irriating me. "IS sex without love and Empty experience." I of course say 'no,' sex i just sex, and love is a word that I dont have a lot of faith in.
I guess from all my horrible experiences I have thought of "love" and nothing but a myth.. It started at a very young age, that is the amazing part. at 14 I was raped by what was a "friend." at this very same age, my best friend was murdered. She was the only one I could ever love as much as I did.. She was everything to me.. I really though I would die from a broken heart. Then at 20, I walked in on my husband with some chick riding his cock. I was very hurt from all this.. I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with this man. Then yet again at 22, The love of my life said that he couldnt be with me. For verious odd reasons, quite random ones I will add(mainly Iraq chaged both of us.). I thought I was going to die from another broken heart. I survived yet again. So how can I hold this 4 letter word on a pedistool, when nothing in my life has been worth anything. It seems like everytime I pick the peices up from the last heartache, Something else comes a long an damages it all over again.
That is why I never get emotionally attached to a person, I always break down all my walls, then they are out of my life. I resist, and hold back so many emotions, nobody ever gets to know the real me. Sometimes I wonder if I even know myself. I always put too much effort into making everyone else happy, I am always the one that suffers. I used to paint, and love art, I was always at my happiest state if mind when I had a paint brush in my hand, But I put that all aside, when everythign hit me. I put asice the one thing i truely loved and i was deeply passionate about. I spent too much time trying to cover up all emtions. I didnt want anyone to see me cry, or know that I was hurt. Even to this day I wont cry infront of a person, I'll just walk away and pray that they dont follow. I have all these flaws that make me unique, but at the same time I'm constantly holding back. maybe someday I will change. But it's hard to change when I have been like this for as long as i can remember..
WOW, my random thoughts are really kicking my ass lately, But I needed to get them all out.. Sorry to vent..
This little question has been irriating me. "IS sex without love and Empty experience." I of course say 'no,' sex i just sex, and love is a word that I dont have a lot of faith in.
I guess from all my horrible experiences I have thought of "love" and nothing but a myth.. It started at a very young age, that is the amazing part. at 14 I was raped by what was a "friend." at this very same age, my best friend was murdered. She was the only one I could ever love as much as I did.. She was everything to me.. I really though I would die from a broken heart. Then at 20, I walked in on my husband with some chick riding his cock. I was very hurt from all this.. I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with this man. Then yet again at 22, The love of my life said that he couldnt be with me. For verious odd reasons, quite random ones I will add(mainly Iraq chaged both of us.). I thought I was going to die from another broken heart. I survived yet again. So how can I hold this 4 letter word on a pedistool, when nothing in my life has been worth anything. It seems like everytime I pick the peices up from the last heartache, Something else comes a long an damages it all over again.
That is why I never get emotionally attached to a person, I always break down all my walls, then they are out of my life. I resist, and hold back so many emotions, nobody ever gets to know the real me. Sometimes I wonder if I even know myself. I always put too much effort into making everyone else happy, I am always the one that suffers. I used to paint, and love art, I was always at my happiest state if mind when I had a paint brush in my hand, But I put that all aside, when everythign hit me. I put asice the one thing i truely loved and i was deeply passionate about. I spent too much time trying to cover up all emtions. I didnt want anyone to see me cry, or know that I was hurt. Even to this day I wont cry infront of a person, I'll just walk away and pray that they dont follow. I have all these flaws that make me unique, but at the same time I'm constantly holding back. maybe someday I will change. But it's hard to change when I have been like this for as long as i can remember..
WOW, my random thoughts are really kicking my ass lately, But I needed to get them all out.. Sorry to vent..
things are going good, just been the usual day to day. nothing special.