pepperjanuary

Guess what Jenna Did???











Okay, so I met this chick on myspace (I know, I know). We started talking and exchanged numbers. About three days in she said "i like you a lot." I let her know that she didn't really even know me and we hadn't met yet, so how could she like me a lot? She said she fell fast for girls (RED FLAG NUMBER 1). I told her I didn't and it took time and blah blah. Anyway I agreed to go on a date with her the next night. The night before my birthday...

Since she doesn't drive, I had to drive about 20 minutes to pick her up in her little town. We hadn't really planned anything out so we were driving along and decided to have a bite to eat at Dennys. She works in a candy shop, so she brought me some fudge and we ate a little.

Even though she had a job she was apparently dirt poor because she whipped out a coupon and informed me that I had to purchase a drink so she could use it(It was buy one meal and two beverages and get one meal free...And I don't drink soda so I ordered water). So, I was kinda forced to buy some hot cocoa (Red Flag Number 2). Then she ordered a cheeseburger and fries with ranch to dip it in.

The whole time she was busy texting away on her phone and hardly speaking to me (She said it was because she was shy). I thought it was extremely rude. We got our food and halfway through she excused herself to the restroom. She was gone a while but I didn't really think anything of it. She came back and finished eating. And then we went to pay the bill. I wound up paying for everything including her drink. You would think since she got her food free she would have offered to split the bill or atleast pay for her own drink but whatever...thats a minor detail. It doesn't even COMPARE to what happened next.

When we got in the car ( I was pretty pissed by now) she said "Ahh, i really shouldn't have eaten that because i'm lacto." Thats right, she ate a CHEESEburger, FUDGE and RANCH (on an empty stomach) . I asked her why she would do that since she knew she was lactose intolerant. She simply said "Because I was hungry." So Whatever.

By now we were driving on the street trying to figure out what to do next. She then said "And I probably should have gone to the bathroom again because I really have to go now." I was hopeful that she meant she had to tinkle. Not so. "I have to take a shit" she cried. I tried to laugh it off but she sai she was serious. So I said i'd take her home. We were seriously a minute away. But she started screaming "NOOO I HAVE TO GO NOW!!! IT"S COMING OUT! ITS COMING OUT!"

I did not believe her. I was laughing and saying "are you serious?" I totally thought she was joking. UNTIL I COULD SMELL IT. Yes, you read it right. This girl SHIT IN MY FRONT SEAT!

She was wearing shorts to add insult to injury. The entire contents of her stomach seeped out her asshole. Dude. We were in her driveway now, and all i could think about was the raw sewage smell and my poor passenger seat. Calmly she said "I'm so sorry" as she was taking off her socks and shoes (So the poop wouldnt ruin them I suppose). I was sitting there in TOTAL shock. I mean right, she SHIT in my car?!?!? Then she extended one arm and I realized she was trying to hug me. "Make sure it doesn't get on the floor" I said hotly. She got out and to my amazement my seat was untouched.

As she waddled up her driveway with soaked shorts and diarrhea sliding down the back of her legs I couldn't help but wonder if I was cursed. Surely I am.

As I was driving on the freeway to Food4less to get some febreeze to attach the seat (IT REEEEEKED!) She text me 'I'm am so sorry about that. I feel really bad. Happy birthday though!"

CURSED!

p.s. this was about 5 days ago and I immediately deleted her from myspace so she'd get the hint. Except she kept texting me and I wouldn't answer. FINALLY yesterday she text and said "Why wont you talk to me?" HELLO, you SHIT in my car! I haven't written back.