pepperjanuary

Have you ever been with someone you didn't have passion for? I mean, you like them and all. You really care for them, but you aren't in love. You don't have that butterflies in the stomach, smile when you think about them, warm flustered feeling for them. That's how I feel. I love my girlfriend, but i'm not in love with her. I know for sure she's not the one for me. I've given her little hints and we kinda talked about it but not really. She, I think feels the same about me. She says she loves me. I don't think she's in love with me and I kinda really hope she isn't. At the end of the day, I hope she feels like I feel. I hope she's having fun with me but isn't planning on being with me forever. I hope she knows it's not forever, it's for now.

sometimes I feel bad about it and that I shouldn't string her along...but at other times i'm soo sure she feels the same way and it doesn't bother her so there's no need to end it now...but then I wonder if thats just me justifying being with someone just to not be alone ya know? and all the time i catch myself doing something or thinking something only to realize omg no i already have a gf. like...its like when she's not around i don't even remember her. I don't really know what to do about it. Or maybe I do and I just don't want to.



In other news, I've been working at the casino full time for about a week. It's going okay. i'm getting a lot more used to it and soon i'll have a regular set schedule. I'm looking foward to that and knowing exactly how my days will work out. My body needs a regular routine. Cuz jeez.

School, well I failed the first biology exam. Everyone did though. Except one boy who's an uberfreaky nerd so he doesn't count. We'll all be better prepared next time though. the other classes are going okay. Math started last week and i'm hoping I can keep up. the teacher seems cool too.

Um, nothing else new to report really. Catch ya later