penultimate

i'm at the end of my rope with all this stress. i woke up this morning at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep because my mind wouldn't stop racing with worry. i can't cope. the latest? jason just called me 5 minutes ago from the mailbox to tell me that he was turned down again for a job that we really need him to have. i was looking forward to breathing again. guess not. i'm a total basket case, now more than ever. here's my deal right now

my aunt just died

i hate my job but as the main source of income, i'm stuck in it

i'm on a liquid diet so i can't eat my issues away

my income doesn't totally cover all of our expenses so we're living paycheck to paycheck right now

i'm so depressed and stressed that i'm finding it hard to go to work. i'm late or i call out and it worries me

our wedding venue that we've already paid a deposit for was sued and shut down, we don't know if they will be able to finish all of the scheduled weddings it had or what and the owner won't return our phone calls

we just bought a second car so that jason cold deliver pizzas while he looks for a job, but we can't afford it

our caterer called to tell us they don't want to do our wedding because they didn't want to set up tables

i can't conceive and i'm starting to have fears that i'll never be able to adopt either

i'm behind at work and even though i think everyone's behind, i can't help but feel uneasy about my position

plus lots more little things not worth typing out...

i need a hiding place and prescription medication. nothing helps, nothing helps, nothing helps, nothing helps, nothing helps, nothing helps, nothing helps, nothing helps, nothing helps, nothing helps, nothing helps, nothing helps, nothing helps...