I am so fucking bi-polar. When I get medical insurance, I'm going to get some fucking drugs or something.
It isn't fair for me to be the way I am to the people I'm around. I just feel like dirt, and I can't stand anyone to care about it becuase I don't think I'm worth their worry. I know, I know....blah blah, I'm worth more than I think and all that bullshit, I still feel worthless.
Anyway, I get really pissed when anyone cares becuase I feel like they are poking fun at me. I know they aren't, but I can't help it.
God, I'm fucking psycho.
On a better note Lynn got all huffy and silent when Wade suggested they find me a boyfriend (he's usually very talkative and all about getting involved in my life). He was really interested in who Josh (the guy I want to be with) was when I said that I would date him. Is that a good sign for me? Does that mean that he might want me the way I want him? I don't know. He has a "girlfriend" (he's been talking to this woman on the internet for 8 months, and he's going half way across the world to see her in July). He asked her to marry him, but he is still looking locally. I don't understand him. I want to make a move, but my self esteem is already so low, I would be heartbroken if he doesn't feel the same way about me. Plus, I have to see him everyday.
Also, Lynn asked Wade and I to go out to the bar with him this weekend.
I already had plans and I told him I might see him there. He smiled and said, "Yeah, you're just too good to hang out with us." I know he was joking. I wish I could ditch my sister, but that would be really sucky of me and I can't be a dick like that. I'm thinking about taking the whole weekend off and seeing if they want to go out Friday night, then I can still hang out with Marry on Saturday, and perhaps see Lynn later in the night.
I love Halloween.
It isn't fair for me to be the way I am to the people I'm around. I just feel like dirt, and I can't stand anyone to care about it becuase I don't think I'm worth their worry. I know, I know....blah blah, I'm worth more than I think and all that bullshit, I still feel worthless.
Anyway, I get really pissed when anyone cares becuase I feel like they are poking fun at me. I know they aren't, but I can't help it.
God, I'm fucking psycho.
On a better note Lynn got all huffy and silent when Wade suggested they find me a boyfriend (he's usually very talkative and all about getting involved in my life). He was really interested in who Josh (the guy I want to be with) was when I said that I would date him. Is that a good sign for me? Does that mean that he might want me the way I want him? I don't know. He has a "girlfriend" (he's been talking to this woman on the internet for 8 months, and he's going half way across the world to see her in July). He asked her to marry him, but he is still looking locally. I don't understand him. I want to make a move, but my self esteem is already so low, I would be heartbroken if he doesn't feel the same way about me. Plus, I have to see him everyday.
Also, Lynn asked Wade and I to go out to the bar with him this weekend.
I already had plans and I told him I might see him there. He smiled and said, "Yeah, you're just too good to hang out with us." I know he was joking. I wish I could ditch my sister, but that would be really sucky of me and I can't be a dick like that. I'm thinking about taking the whole weekend off and seeing if they want to go out Friday night, then I can still hang out with Marry on Saturday, and perhaps see Lynn later in the night.
I love Halloween.