here is something i wrote while i was crazy crazy crazy and 16 years old. one of my friends from high school just dug it up for me.
Words
She stretched out another piece and searched for the right words. The right words, or at least the right music to cover up the fact that they were all so wrong. Where are the words? She couldnt clear her mind. She needed to concentrate, but the visions wouldnt go away. The blind pregnant 5-year-old girl wouldnt leave her alone. The girl was always there, no matter how hard she tried to block it out. Were those maggots falling from her eyes or tears? She needed to be alone! She wanted to push the girl away. Be rid of its bulging stomach and incessant crying but she didnt have hands to push with. She had already used the skin and muscle and bone as canvas for the words.
She peeled off another layer of skin - as much to supply a surface to lay the words on as to search for the truth underneath. Because where lay the correct words, except in truth? But each new layer revealed only more artifice and imperfection. She was sitting atop a pile of flesh. The excitement that she might soon find the right words in the truth which lay deep inside her consumed her. Even the little girl had receded to a far corner of her mind. Feverishly, she tore off muscle and bone and lay them in wait for the perfect words. Something told her that she would soon be free. She ignored the pregnant girl staring eyelessly at her from afar. In her peripheral vision, she could see the girl rubbing her huge pulsating stomach. The distractions didnt matter anymore. She was too close to the goal.
The last layer of herself was thin and shiny and beautiful. How the stupid little girl must envy her now! She began to slide it off in one gorgeous shimmering piece and the words arranged themselves on it in an intricate crystal lattice pattern. The last of her was a large jewel. The perfect truth.
Piece by tiny piece the jewel began to fragment off into millions of iridescent insects. The beat of their wings accompanied the words to make the most beautiful song ever. They flew and flew and flew and finally came to rest on the pile of flesh and words. They began to consume the bone and skin and muscle until there was nothing left. Then, all at once, all the insects flew up and disappeared in different directions. She had attained freedom.
The words were left on the floor. Alone and almost without substance. From out of the corner slunk the little pregnant girl who had only just stopped crying. The girl approached the desiccated words slowly. The little girl swept them up and held them in her thin arms and rocked them like a baby. The pregnant girl hummed the song softly and rocked the bundle of words. It was all gone. There was nothing after that.
**************
i'm super drunk and passing out. love to everyone.
Words
She stretched out another piece and searched for the right words. The right words, or at least the right music to cover up the fact that they were all so wrong. Where are the words? She couldnt clear her mind. She needed to concentrate, but the visions wouldnt go away. The blind pregnant 5-year-old girl wouldnt leave her alone. The girl was always there, no matter how hard she tried to block it out. Were those maggots falling from her eyes or tears? She needed to be alone! She wanted to push the girl away. Be rid of its bulging stomach and incessant crying but she didnt have hands to push with. She had already used the skin and muscle and bone as canvas for the words.
She peeled off another layer of skin - as much to supply a surface to lay the words on as to search for the truth underneath. Because where lay the correct words, except in truth? But each new layer revealed only more artifice and imperfection. She was sitting atop a pile of flesh. The excitement that she might soon find the right words in the truth which lay deep inside her consumed her. Even the little girl had receded to a far corner of her mind. Feverishly, she tore off muscle and bone and lay them in wait for the perfect words. Something told her that she would soon be free. She ignored the pregnant girl staring eyelessly at her from afar. In her peripheral vision, she could see the girl rubbing her huge pulsating stomach. The distractions didnt matter anymore. She was too close to the goal.
The last layer of herself was thin and shiny and beautiful. How the stupid little girl must envy her now! She began to slide it off in one gorgeous shimmering piece and the words arranged themselves on it in an intricate crystal lattice pattern. The last of her was a large jewel. The perfect truth.
Piece by tiny piece the jewel began to fragment off into millions of iridescent insects. The beat of their wings accompanied the words to make the most beautiful song ever. They flew and flew and flew and finally came to rest on the pile of flesh and words. They began to consume the bone and skin and muscle until there was nothing left. Then, all at once, all the insects flew up and disappeared in different directions. She had attained freedom.
The words were left on the floor. Alone and almost without substance. From out of the corner slunk the little pregnant girl who had only just stopped crying. The girl approached the desiccated words slowly. The little girl swept them up and held them in her thin arms and rocked them like a baby. The pregnant girl hummed the song softly and rocked the bundle of words. It was all gone. There was nothing after that.
**************
i'm super drunk and passing out. love to everyone.
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
waxangel:
Somehow you made me lose my appetite without doing anything at all. Yeesh.
tylerx:
This brings back memories of my early journals. Good stuff 