im going to go try and find something good to do today yesterday i stayed home watching some videos i did record of myself it was alright i just couldnt help myself laughing about how boring i am im not trying to get a big house or anything not even close to end my life i havent read a book in years and it makes me want to just forget about studies and all that comes around it but in some way i get the noisy sound of a big city that has got me down for the last 7 years of my rehab i can maybe try to not forget the time i was inside i mean hospitalize it was so much fun everyone just had a different point of view like you could talk and that was it everyone telling about how they got there and how they were planing of getting out and be still in controle of there life its just sad when you try to talk to someone that seems not giving up on something that maybe is not the big idea of having a good time then i thought well im not going to let my chance go away by not trying to fix my head and everything that seems so more of a hiden place for people who have never got the message of figuring out what this city is made of im not trying to make this into something like mysterious that you could perhaps make into a living but theres so much injustice that just floats in some places you rarely are abscent of the little encounters just think about it when you take the subway its just a transportation underground and thats all not a voyage to the stars or when you go to the grocery store your not actualy buying food i dont know
maybe just maybe its better to keep it in your mind like some retard kid who has found the need of going play futbol when ever he feels like it or try to get a girl by his side whenever the feeling for kisses is on his mind i mean darcy from the smashing pumpkins is everything a women can be fuck she is hot not even hot gorgeous beautyfull cute pretty for starters im not even passing the point of giving up of geting laid whit heror just stop seeing her like our difference of age could had something to do of course shes older and well i surely dont fit in the criteria of doing a band called smashing oranges and then ask her to join the band so i can go out whit her NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i just love her more then any other girl i think that when i did meet her i said to myself im going to try to not to flirt whit her by saying anything you know shes a big star and all plus it was for mellon collie and the infinite sadness tour she was at her glory and then i said im not going to bring my stupid beliefs of me been handsome and all what i am at least when someone looks at me the right way what has not hapend ofthen then she just did salute me whit love beauty history for the records and maybe a little bit of slacking off the other kids she then signed my cd and there it was i did felt down dead like my little body secksy and tired of all these girls in this world and creeps pushers junkies bums dumb skaters that make videos all the time stupid culture
and i think that was what im aiming for all the time and something then hapend i saw her face while i was recording on a tape my visit whit her i think ive made have step the point of no return of thinking this world is wonderfull when your doing what you think you love then she left and it was my time of greatness imagination has lots of sides plus when your poor its almost everything there is so next time you will get a glimpse of me please try to not look like a loser she didnt !!! and it was my moment to say i care about everything even when i dont think about others bye
