peche_____

Okay..

Last week I had the worst day in a long time.
I came home after work to find my loving, cuddly cat Richie dying on the floor, his hair messy from his own puke and defecites. He was already very cold and tired from fighting something which made his hindlegs stiff and his bowels rotting while he was still alive. I could tell he was in a lot of pain and it almost seemed as if he was holding on to life only to say goodbye to me and Jes..

The worst part was my baby boy witnessed the whole thing and was very upset by it all. I ran out to my neighbour to take care of Jes until his father could come to pick him up and I rushed to the vet's with Richie wrapped in a towel.
At the vet's they told me to go home and wait by the phone while they examined him and took x-rays.
After what felt like an hour but only took about 20 minutes they called me and told me to come over.

When I arrived he was struggling to breathe and was turning pale and limp. The vet told me Richie could not be saved, he had broken his back, probably from a fall. I will always question the fall theory, a little voice inside my head tells me he was abused by someone but how would Richie end up in my living room since there is a high fence around my backyard and no one would get in or out...

While he was fighting for his life I had to make the cold and lonely decision to let him go... It was so awful.. in a white tiled room I sat with my beautiful strong boy and watched the life of this magnificent, sweet animal slip away...
I love him so much... If I ever find out this was something else but an accident I will haunt and maim whoever did this to the most loving cat I have ever know.

When I came home with Richie (I wanted to bury him myself) my son was going crazy with grief so I told my ex husband to take him home with him while I cleaned up my house (there was puke, poo and pee all over the place and it smelled like my entire city emptied their kittylitters in my livingroom).
The next morning Richie had a beautiful burial at my moms place. He now rests in her backyard.
I let Jes say goodbye to him after I cleaned him up a bit so Jes could pet him (Yes I cleaned his clothes and hands after he petted the dead cat, thank you). My son was devastated. Only three years old and already confronted with this kind of terror and loss. I was overthrown by the hurt my son displayed and his cries for Richie still come in his dreams.

Afterwards Jes and I (and my moms boyfriend who helped me with everything that day) blew soap bubbles in the air and that's how we said goodbye to Richies spirit. We set him free into the clouds so to speak.
So now every time a plane or helicopter passes by my son waves, smiles and says "Richie!"...

Some people wonder why I grieve so much about a pet but for me pets are familymembers. They are like children, they need us to take care of them. Somehow I failed in Richies case, at least that's how it feels for me at the moment. Maybe that feeling will go away in time.
Maybe I can put this all to rest in time, right now my home feels empty without him.
My other cat Oops won't come near the place where I found Richie.
But she is super sweet and I will pour all the love I felt for Richie and Oops into her now.

My poor, wonderful Richie. He was so happy in our new home where he could finally be free.
I will love you always baby boy.