And predate thing thing-a-ma-jig to May 17th.
There comes a time in everyone's life when they realize that they need a change. This change could be small, like the realization that you need new underwear. Or the insight to switch from wine back to water. Sometimes that change is a bit larger, and harder to achieve. The need to confront someone you care about, to end a relationship, or to quit smoking or drinking.
Sometimes, however, that change is massive. Sometime it's just hard because you're afraid of it. Sometimes you need a catalyst. The hard times are when you know it's both. You know you need a big change to happen, but you're afraid of it, AND you need something big to happen or come up to help ease it through. These are the hard ones. The sudden realization that your life, as it currently sits, has no place else to go. What to do then? Where to go? How does one go about this "starting over" thing?
Starting over. Easy to say Not so easy to do.
The trip I've taken so many times, and talked about equally as much. My loved drive to Santa Cruz. The beautiful mountain roads, the sunset at Waddell Creek Beach, the incessant wandering through strangely familiar neighborhoods, beaches, and coastal towns. It just wasn't the same tonight. For the first time ever, it seemed overdone, burnt out. This change thing has really taken root in my noodle.
Bouncing Souls had it right: "I've walked these streets a thousand times before, I never saw them this way. A perfect end and a new beginning, every step of the way."
Finally, I have realized what I have to do. I've been thinking about this for years, but I really have been held back. Held back by lots of things, but most importantly, held back by me. But now I know, it's time to go. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. I love my friends, my family, and my students. However, I have finally admitted to myself that the change is possible. I can no longer be afraid of it, and the much needed catalyst is right in front if me.
Grad school. Outside the Bay Area. As much as I will hate to leave this area, it really needs to happen. So, the time is now. Time to start working for a real goal. Southern California? New York? Boston? Chicago? We'll see. Some major city somewhere. But not here. It's time to start over, for real this time.
There comes a time in everyone's life when they realize that they need a change. This change could be small, like the realization that you need new underwear. Or the insight to switch from wine back to water. Sometimes that change is a bit larger, and harder to achieve. The need to confront someone you care about, to end a relationship, or to quit smoking or drinking.
Sometimes, however, that change is massive. Sometime it's just hard because you're afraid of it. Sometimes you need a catalyst. The hard times are when you know it's both. You know you need a big change to happen, but you're afraid of it, AND you need something big to happen or come up to help ease it through. These are the hard ones. The sudden realization that your life, as it currently sits, has no place else to go. What to do then? Where to go? How does one go about this "starting over" thing?
Starting over. Easy to say Not so easy to do.
The trip I've taken so many times, and talked about equally as much. My loved drive to Santa Cruz. The beautiful mountain roads, the sunset at Waddell Creek Beach, the incessant wandering through strangely familiar neighborhoods, beaches, and coastal towns. It just wasn't the same tonight. For the first time ever, it seemed overdone, burnt out. This change thing has really taken root in my noodle.
Bouncing Souls had it right: "I've walked these streets a thousand times before, I never saw them this way. A perfect end and a new beginning, every step of the way."
Finally, I have realized what I have to do. I've been thinking about this for years, but I really have been held back. Held back by lots of things, but most importantly, held back by me. But now I know, it's time to go. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. I love my friends, my family, and my students. However, I have finally admitted to myself that the change is possible. I can no longer be afraid of it, and the much needed catalyst is right in front if me.
Grad school. Outside the Bay Area. As much as I will hate to leave this area, it really needs to happen. So, the time is now. Time to start working for a real goal. Southern California? New York? Boston? Chicago? We'll see. Some major city somewhere. But not here. It's time to start over, for real this time.
elsie:
Thank you SO much for the sweet comment about my debut set! it really means a lot to me !!! 