Sometimes I feel lost and down on things. I don't know why, but these feelings creep up on me. I need to feel like I am doing my part and really making everything great for everyone that matters. I push myself, but if I don't keep myself happy- it affects everyone else. Then I feel guilty for looking out for myself. So either way it comes back to guilt. I wish I could just find a way to say look, I'm doing what I can and fuck it. No apologies. I try hard- yet I still apologize. I have faults. But I have so much good within me as well. I've come a long way over the years in the area of my self improvement and I plan to continue.Balls. Sometimes I think too much about this shit.