pawperso

so, its 3.22am and i cant sleep if my life depended on it.

guess i should do some venting/update.

being in a wheelchair is wierd, its almost 2 years since i managed to fuck myself up and it makes me laugh everyday. not just in a "you gotta laugh or youll cry" way, but just cos i laugh at myself for being a complete idiot for the shit i always get myself in, if you knew me you wouldnt be surprised at all that ive ended up in a wheelchair!
from seeting fire to a fish-pond when i was 6, to playing basketball in a minefield, to getting pissed when i got introduced to tony blair and asking him if being prime minister means "you get the chicks", i always manage to just not give a shit about consequences!

so, the wheelchair thing, yeah its wierd, obviously the whole not being able to move half your body is pretty crazy, but the way people react to me now is pretty wierd too, kids are the best, i love the kids, they are always so cool, ill be skiing, shopping or just going down the street and you can see them looking, not in a "look at that wierdo" kinda way, but in a "that looks cool" kinda way, i still fuck about even in this wheelchair thing and practically only ever move about in a wheelie, so the kids are always saying "mom, mom, look at that guy doing a wheelie, thats so cool!", mom will normally give me an apologetic smile and try to make junior shout up, but i love that shit!
when i was down in kimberley alpine race training, i actually had a little fan club of little ski dudes who always wanted to come ski with me, cos they thought it was so cool, that was pretty awesome.

then they grow up and i think a lot of people believe that if you are in a wheelchair then there might be something wrong with you mentally, so they kinda act weird. but peeps will just come up and talk to you, i have one of those scary, moody faces that makes it look as if im angry, im not im really cheerfull, but my neutral face looks moody, so people would be put of from approaching me before, now though they obviously arent because im not a threat in a wheelchair, so i just get people coming up to chat, which is pretty cool too, apart from when i am actually being moody!
when im out in a bar, there is always one asshole, some idiot who thinks he will look cool and impress the girls by coming over and saying hi to the guy in the wheelchair, but in an overly noticable manner so everyone can see and hear him being so "cool", im like, you wouldnt just come over and talk to me likemthis if i wasnt in a wheelchair, so fuck off and figure out another way of trying to impress people, looser!

but anyway, im rambling, thats not what i meant when i said being in a wheelchair is wierd, i mean its wierd, wierd as fuck, im siting here and i feel dizzy as fuck, almost drunk, i know its my body telling me something is wrong, but its something wrong with the part of me that i cant feel so i have no idea what it is,
it could be that im sat on my balls (yeah that freaked me out when they told me about it in hospital too! )
it could be that im bursting for a piss but i cant feel my bladder so i wouldnt be able to tell until it got so full that i passed out (again, hospital freak out),
it could be that ive managed to drop something on my seat without noticing it and have been sat on it for a couple hours without noticing because i cant feel it, but somehow my brain is starting to get signals that something is wrong,
it could be that ive broken a leg or cut myslef somewhere without being able to feel it and am bleeding to death in ignorant bliss,
it could be any of those things and a load more even more scary things,
its definatley not the balls thing, i checked !

so ill just carry on and laugh at the fact that shit like this happens all the time now-a-days. thats what i mean about weird.