So I hung out with an ex the other day. This was no ordinary ex however, this was the No. 1 ex on the High Fidelity scoring list, le premire, primo, numbero uno. CEO of sorrow, High Priest of heartbreak, Commander in Chief of grief, and it really wasn't so bad, very awkward 
, but not bad, like it could have been. Maybe I was just suppressing my emotions. I mean this was the bad breakup, the staying in bed for weeks, the dividing of friends, possessions, places, the moving away to get over. For about a year there we had little communication except for varying degrees of evil-eye cursing when we showed up at the same place at the same time. 
But there we sat for a good part of the day, the longest time we've spent together in recent years mind you, racking our brains trying to figure out something to talk about other than past history. I don't know her reasons, but I didn't bring it up out of fear of smashing the fragile peace newly formed between us. Oh, but I was hoping for a discussion, I was hoping to hear reasons, I was hoping for an apology, for enlightenment. It never came. We just sat there and civilly discussed times, work, plans. She showed me around her new apartment; living room kitchen, bathroom, bedroom. I didn't ask, although I looked for clues; pictures, clothes, personal affects. It's better not to know. It's weird being on the outside, looking at the new life of someone you've been so intimate with. Everything has its old meaning but are in totally new contexts. Questions arise. Do they still mean the same things to the other person? What did I ever see in this person? Will she be the best thing ever in my life? Has she changed so much? Does she still find me attractive? 
The whole situation is like watching a disaster, you know it's going to trouble you, but you have to look, to come to term with whats going on. She had to get ready for work, so we parted with some awkward hugs and empty promises of staying in touch. Well we'll see.
In the meantime, I've looked into options of dealing with those memories.
Lacuna Inc.
It seems I have a lot of baggage.
Test results
, but not bad, like it could have been. Maybe I was just suppressing my emotions. I mean this was the bad breakup, the staying in bed for weeks, the dividing of friends, possessions, places, the moving away to get over. For about a year there we had little communication except for varying degrees of evil-eye cursing when we showed up at the same place at the same time. But there we sat for a good part of the day, the longest time we've spent together in recent years mind you, racking our brains trying to figure out something to talk about other than past history. I don't know her reasons, but I didn't bring it up out of fear of smashing the fragile peace newly formed between us. Oh, but I was hoping for a discussion, I was hoping to hear reasons, I was hoping for an apology, for enlightenment. It never came. We just sat there and civilly discussed times, work, plans. She showed me around her new apartment; living room kitchen, bathroom, bedroom. I didn't ask, although I looked for clues; pictures, clothes, personal affects. It's better not to know. It's weird being on the outside, looking at the new life of someone you've been so intimate with. Everything has its old meaning but are in totally new contexts. Questions arise. Do they still mean the same things to the other person? What did I ever see in this person? Will she be the best thing ever in my life? Has she changed so much? Does she still find me attractive? The whole situation is like watching a disaster, you know it's going to trouble you, but you have to look, to come to term with whats going on. She had to get ready for work, so we parted with some awkward hugs and empty promises of staying in touch. Well we'll see.
In the meantime, I've looked into options of dealing with those memories.
Lacuna Inc.
It seems I have a lot of baggage.
Test results
i only recently saw that movie and if it desnt win some kind of award (i dont watch to much tv so i dont know what theyre called) i will know that the world truly is slipping into choas. remember to wear your baggage proudly, it makes you weak, paranoid, ashamed and human.....