i feel like crying. a lot.
but what good would that do? It's not going to solve anything if I don't have anyone to cry to. I'm sure that sounds a little strange but I never liked crying by myself. A lot of guys talk about how they don't like anyone to see them cry; I don't think anyone does, but it's nice to have someone there when you do. I'd rather let someone see me cry and be held than to cry alone.
It's nothing really. I was hanging out with some friends tonight. Two of whom insulted me deeply, whether that was their intention or not. But they did. And then, when I asked what I'd done to deserve the treatment they just shrugged. To which I jokingly replied, "But I've been so good tonight." And the third friend, who had yet to insult me, said, "Yeah, especially to me. Which is a new thing."
And so there lies the third insult. three for three is not a stat I wanted for being insulted by people whom I love and I thought loved me. The worst part is, the third insult was COMPLETELY unwarranted because I've always been nothing but nice to this person. That, and the fact that I had done nothing to deserve the insults but be present to receive them.
And so. I feel. Like crying. Alone.
I think what sent me over the edge the most about tonight was this: the moment I received the third and final insult, I felt like crying. I felt like weeping. All I wanted was to cry on someone's shoulder but the three people that had insulted me are the three closest friends I have to family. And then I realized that I don't have best friends anymore. I have a few "good" friends, a bajillion acquaintances, but no best friends.
I don't know why. I think because I try to be friends with everyone i meet, I spend too much time being friends with everyone than being best friends with a select few. I have a bunch of people I could call up for lunch any day of the week but no one I could call right now. Not to mention I've moved so much, I have very few people I've known for an extended period of time, and again, because of this, I have no one I could call right now.And go figure, all I want to do is call someone right now and just have them tell me it's ok and that I'm loved. Someone to tell me to get some rest and wait for a new outlook in the morning. Someone who's seen me up and down and knows me strength to flaw. Someone who will listen to me cry and sniffle and just weep.
I miss best friends.
but what good would that do? It's not going to solve anything if I don't have anyone to cry to. I'm sure that sounds a little strange but I never liked crying by myself. A lot of guys talk about how they don't like anyone to see them cry; I don't think anyone does, but it's nice to have someone there when you do. I'd rather let someone see me cry and be held than to cry alone.
It's nothing really. I was hanging out with some friends tonight. Two of whom insulted me deeply, whether that was their intention or not. But they did. And then, when I asked what I'd done to deserve the treatment they just shrugged. To which I jokingly replied, "But I've been so good tonight." And the third friend, who had yet to insult me, said, "Yeah, especially to me. Which is a new thing."
And so there lies the third insult. three for three is not a stat I wanted for being insulted by people whom I love and I thought loved me. The worst part is, the third insult was COMPLETELY unwarranted because I've always been nothing but nice to this person. That, and the fact that I had done nothing to deserve the insults but be present to receive them.
And so. I feel. Like crying. Alone.
I think what sent me over the edge the most about tonight was this: the moment I received the third and final insult, I felt like crying. I felt like weeping. All I wanted was to cry on someone's shoulder but the three people that had insulted me are the three closest friends I have to family. And then I realized that I don't have best friends anymore. I have a few "good" friends, a bajillion acquaintances, but no best friends.
I don't know why. I think because I try to be friends with everyone i meet, I spend too much time being friends with everyone than being best friends with a select few. I have a bunch of people I could call up for lunch any day of the week but no one I could call right now. Not to mention I've moved so much, I have very few people I've known for an extended period of time, and again, because of this, I have no one I could call right now.And go figure, all I want to do is call someone right now and just have them tell me it's ok and that I'm loved. Someone to tell me to get some rest and wait for a new outlook in the morning. Someone who's seen me up and down and knows me strength to flaw. Someone who will listen to me cry and sniffle and just weep.
I miss best friends.