patrickduffy

It's been a rough couple of days. I woke up Tuesday morning to a phone call, from my friend Derek, that a close friend of ours had hung himself. I was heart broken and it immedately brought up memories about my dad's suicide. I got out of bed, got dressed, and went strait to his parents house and stayed there with them all day. Went to work that night, and it was hard as hell to get through that shift. Came home downed a couple sleeping pills, passed out, woke up, took a shower, and went back to their house all day Wednesday. I feel so bad, because we hadn't really seen each other in a couple of years, except for the occasional running into one another and chatting online. He was a very good friend of mine for several years....his family as well. They were the cool parents who let everybody hang out at their house. A bunch of us have been there for the past couple of days, I just with the circumstances were better. I've been told from his family and mutual friends of ours that he was going through a really rough patch. He had been to rehab and just recently moved to Seattle to try and get a fresh start. From the few short conversations I had with him, he seemed to be liking it there and I thought he was doing good. I wish I would have had more contact with him over the past couple of years. I miss him immensely, and wish I could see him again. He and his family were there for me when my dad commited suicide, so I'm glad I can be there for them right now. Because a lot of people who haven't been in that situation before say stupid things like, "god does everything for a reason" (get fucked). It's really tough having all of these old feelings resurface, even though they're always in the back of my mind and come up everyday, it's more intense now. All I have now are the memories, and an even closer bond with his family and our friends.

Curt, my friend, I love you so fucking much...and I wish you were here....but I know you were in a lot of pain, and at least now you're not. If there's a sequel or an encore to this life we live, you better be in it. Cause it won't be as fun without you in this one.

I find myself listening to this a lot these past couple of days.