patrice

Panic attacks

I just can't sleep. I know I'm going to be stuck with serious thoughts for hours. Its christmas (well was an hour ago) and I can't stop panicking about my life, tossing n' turning under the covers.

I feel like I'm gonna die.

I think, maybe, I should get on pills. I always thought pills were ridiculous but, Shit! I never thought panic attacs would keep me up every other day.

Its so silly, my life is so simple, but still, I panic.

I never thought I would live over 20. Now it's coming so soon and everyone keeps on reminding me. I think thats why.
I never thought I would grow up. I dont want what my parents raised me to believe I should want.
I dont want a car, I dont want to drive, I dont want kids, I dont want a serious job, I dont like (actually I hate) money; it makes me feel really bad inside.

I want to have a yard with dogs and I want a girlfriend.
Thats all I want from life.

Everything else I already have.

Shit I'm 19 and I have done almost everything I wanted from life.

I seriously have grown up too fast. I'm all confused now.

I can't be an adult, what the hell am I going to do? It's so boring and pointless.

I'm calmer now. I'm going to try and sleep. and wake up 3 minutes later with new anxieties.

What am I going to do if I'm still panicky when 20 is over?

Oh and on a lighter note; I got super cute panties for Christmas (yeah)...

xX