old people have it figured out, man!
have you ever realized the simplicity of old peoples' lives. think for a second about how fast you move everyday for what? and working for money? being old's not so bad...
1. people will ignore you when you're old: this being said you can do pretty much anything you want, and if some punk ass kid sees you do something "wrong", well they'll laugh it off because you're old...
2. you can drive as bad as you want: driving slow, running lights, swerving in and out of traffic you're no longer drunk you're old. have you ever seen a cop pull over someone old?
3. free money: you no longer have to work and checks keep coming. sure ther small, but when you're old you'll forget to eat half of the time, and since you drive slow you'll use less gass. you can just sit out on the front porch for eight hours everyday after the Price Is Right.
4. drugs: no longer is it taboo to consume copious amounts of random drugs. in fact you can walk around in public popping pills perfusily and acting silly all day, you're just old.
5. clubbing: have you ever noticed how many clubs and social events there are for old people. they are always hanging out together in places. and now with the help of viagra you'll never have to face a night alone. which leads to...
6. sex: never before has an activity of joy been such a dangerous event. you may die at any moment adding to the suspence of climax. don't worry about getting her pregant either those dusty old tubes haven't worked properly in years. have trouble remembering her name in the morning, when you're old she won't remember either.
7. cheaper: everywhere you go as an old person you'll get discounts. out to eat, movies, hotels, etc. every place in town wants you to come on out and bring your friends since you'll all be hanging out together anyway and it will cost so much less. kids expect a quarter for presents too!
8. funerals: great memories rekindled, free food, peaceful scenery, you get to ride around in a limo all day, and a great place to pick up chicks on the rebound.
9. travel: did you ever notice the old people you are actually approached by are from somewhere else. apperantly when you are old you go to all the places you forgot to go to when you were younger. at least now you can wear diapers so you won't have to use dirty highway reststops.
10. religion: with all the extra time you'll have on your hands you can take up a new hobby. besides you're so close to finding out if there realy is a heaven or hell, or maybe you'll soon be felt to walk the Earth for eternity...
have you ever realized the simplicity of old peoples' lives. think for a second about how fast you move everyday for what? and working for money? being old's not so bad...
1. people will ignore you when you're old: this being said you can do pretty much anything you want, and if some punk ass kid sees you do something "wrong", well they'll laugh it off because you're old...
2. you can drive as bad as you want: driving slow, running lights, swerving in and out of traffic you're no longer drunk you're old. have you ever seen a cop pull over someone old?
3. free money: you no longer have to work and checks keep coming. sure ther small, but when you're old you'll forget to eat half of the time, and since you drive slow you'll use less gass. you can just sit out on the front porch for eight hours everyday after the Price Is Right.
4. drugs: no longer is it taboo to consume copious amounts of random drugs. in fact you can walk around in public popping pills perfusily and acting silly all day, you're just old.
5. clubbing: have you ever noticed how many clubs and social events there are for old people. they are always hanging out together in places. and now with the help of viagra you'll never have to face a night alone. which leads to...
6. sex: never before has an activity of joy been such a dangerous event. you may die at any moment adding to the suspence of climax. don't worry about getting her pregant either those dusty old tubes haven't worked properly in years. have trouble remembering her name in the morning, when you're old she won't remember either.
7. cheaper: everywhere you go as an old person you'll get discounts. out to eat, movies, hotels, etc. every place in town wants you to come on out and bring your friends since you'll all be hanging out together anyway and it will cost so much less. kids expect a quarter for presents too!
8. funerals: great memories rekindled, free food, peaceful scenery, you get to ride around in a limo all day, and a great place to pick up chicks on the rebound.
9. travel: did you ever notice the old people you are actually approached by are from somewhere else. apperantly when you are old you go to all the places you forgot to go to when you were younger. at least now you can wear diapers so you won't have to use dirty highway reststops.
10. religion: with all the extra time you'll have on your hands you can take up a new hobby. besides you're so close to finding out if there realy is a heaven or hell, or maybe you'll soon be felt to walk the Earth for eternity...
Thanks for the birthday wish.