I took a taxi to work today. As did my co workers, Vi, Ngoc, and the "new girl," Molly Falherty. Molly replaces Kristina, who got on the Trump bandwagon right after Chris Christie ended his campaign and endorsed President Trump. Kristina now works for the President.
As a second South Park reference, Molly calls me Peter Panda.
We took taxis because we planned to hold a frank discussion about ourselves. The Irish cannot hold any serious discussion outside of a bar. If we are made to hold a serious discussion outside of a bar, well, that is due to 800 years of oppression. We all ordered shots of Black Bush, and Irish soda pops. That is, pints of beer.
Sexual harassment in everywhere today. Liberals, conservatives, politics, business, media. Now that women are getting, not without time and talent, more power in business, they are getting in on the act as well. It seems like it is much about power as it is sex. I do not know, I have never had power over anyone.
I used to work at a brokerage house called Lew Liberbaum. Mark Lew, instead of trying the case, paid $1.500,ooo to pay 17 female employees. These "sales assassinates," or in Wall Street speak, "wow girls," had to walk thought a gauntlet of male brokers. The women were being paid a salary of $50,000 a year or so, at best. The brokers were making commissions of $300,000 a year, or better. It is wrong, but perhaps understandable, for a man to think "I am make a half a million a year. Why not ask for a blow job?" Now the top people, like President and CEO Mark Lew, did tell women if they wanted to keep their jobs, the would have to do things that were not in their job description. Those who willingly succombed to the advances of the higher ups were rewarded with extra vacations and huge bonuses. Those women who did not were asked to clean up a desk just used for sex. All the women had to watch the lesbian strippers who came in to dance.
That was at the New York office, the home office, and not in Dallas, though I heard some sexual harassment. For instance, we had a receptionist named Laurie. By the way, that is a much esteemed name for me. I had an amazing girlfriend by that name. My boss was carrying a pair of worry balls, which we called ben wa balls, a legendary Asian sex toy for women. I asked my boss why he was carrying the ben wa balls, as he replied "To keep them away from Laurie."
Another example. "Hey, Laurie, do you want to know I masturbate?"
From the foyer to the war room, "Yes!"
So, Laurie was into it. The harmless banter. Nobody asked her for a blow job. We liked her. This is Texas. We know to treat women. With deference, respect, and damn near worship.
Now, have I asked women for blow jobs? Or course. In times when I am naked in bed with a woman and knows she likes it, or course.
Back in February, Kristina told us she had an offer, and the was probably going to take it. Vi asked "So you're ready to be graded by your pussy?"
"Always," Kristina responded, "You're not? What about you, Pete? You ever grab that Arab by the pussy?"
Well no, because Aisha would rip my balls off. That was the honest response, but there was also another honestt response. "No, I am not the grabbing type, More of the softly stroking and licking type."
Vi blushed scarlet.
We learned that Molly had heard that.
After we had reached that Irish clarity, we asked the question. Are we sexually harassing each other?
Megan is a flirt, even though she is married. She cannot help it. She flirts with me, and she flits with Ngok,and she flirts with Molly. She cannot help it.
Molly complains "I don't need to hear about your period." I do. I want to know which days I should not speak to her and just look sympathetic. "And why are you always talking about sex?"
Vi asked "Why don't you talk about sex?"
My query was "What about the seven hours we do not talk about sex?" Kristina talked about sex quite a bit.
Ngoc beat her to the punch. "I need to hear you talk about sex. I'm in a severe dry spell."
After a few more pints, Molly opened up. She does not feel uncomfortable with our talks about sex, which means she does not feel harassed. If she did feel uncomfortable, VI and I would be in serious trouble. Molly is just surprised we are open about it.
We celebrated with a few more pints.
At no time did we even consider ancient astronauts.