Day 7 of taking care of my wounded boyfriend. It's officially been a week since he had surgery, which resulted in having his jaw wired shut for 6 weeks. I don't mind getting him ice packs or being around the house with his parents for all of this time, but the stress is beginning to really wear me down. That is, school begins in a week. And due to his grades past semester and his slightly overwhelming continual depression, his parents are fighting his return. I'm not sure how much I agree with them - They'd like to send him to a school near their house and have him live with his sister and her 1 year-old daughter. But more than disagreeing with them for the sake of his well-being, I also know that I can't really carry on a relationship from the distance of 200 miles with no car. Especially since the first month of it we won't even be able to talk on the phone. In addition, I'm working my ass off to transfer schools, and he was supposed to be coming with me. But they don't want that either. So, everything is up in the air, and I feel like I'm the one with my ass hanging out in the open. I have no fucking clue what is going to happen, and I feel rather awful about it all.
To attest to the awfulness of my mood are the empty bottles of wine and beer that seem to be piling up. I'm not drinking myself stupid, but I feel much less pent up and anxious after I 1) Drink and stop worrying or 2) Drink and break down in tears. Hey, at least it's some kind of action, which is a far cry from this stagnant waiting that I do for the rest of the day.
I've had a lot of time then to think about things, to plan out what the hell to do with myself if I find myself without my lover and good friend. And it's led to tons of reading - Currently, The Plague by Camus, a book I would heartily (not) recommend for those already sick at heart - and some online perusal. I've not bought everything in sight, but I've bought a few things that I've been meaning to. There is a white tub of manic panic dye and a flashlightening kit on its way, in addition to a new collar (soon to be 2 and cuffs). If I can't have the life that I've been living, I'll start by trying to physically seperate myself from it. Maybe I can forget about things a bit more easily if I take on some new attitude and run with it for a bit. That, in addition to the fact that it's fucking time that I spent a few hundred dollars for the things that I really want. I have a job, don't I?
I'm also looking for a good pair of boots. Of course, they have to be knee-high, have to be black, have to be somewhat fetishy (but not glaringly so, because my current residence is in the bible belt). High heels aren't practical for day-to-day wear, and the online heels I like or 4+ stilettos anyway. Any suggestions? I'll post pictures of the top choices later.
To attest to the awfulness of my mood are the empty bottles of wine and beer that seem to be piling up. I'm not drinking myself stupid, but I feel much less pent up and anxious after I 1) Drink and stop worrying or 2) Drink and break down in tears. Hey, at least it's some kind of action, which is a far cry from this stagnant waiting that I do for the rest of the day.
I've had a lot of time then to think about things, to plan out what the hell to do with myself if I find myself without my lover and good friend. And it's led to tons of reading - Currently, The Plague by Camus, a book I would heartily (not) recommend for those already sick at heart - and some online perusal. I've not bought everything in sight, but I've bought a few things that I've been meaning to. There is a white tub of manic panic dye and a flashlightening kit on its way, in addition to a new collar (soon to be 2 and cuffs). If I can't have the life that I've been living, I'll start by trying to physically seperate myself from it. Maybe I can forget about things a bit more easily if I take on some new attitude and run with it for a bit. That, in addition to the fact that it's fucking time that I spent a few hundred dollars for the things that I really want. I have a job, don't I?
I'm also looking for a good pair of boots. Of course, they have to be knee-high, have to be black, have to be somewhat fetishy (but not glaringly so, because my current residence is in the bible belt). High heels aren't practical for day-to-day wear, and the online heels I like or 4+ stilettos anyway. Any suggestions? I'll post pictures of the top choices later.
cactusgeeves:
Sorry about all the trouble you've been having. I had some relationship issues myself lately. Not fun. Sometimes, all you can do is ride them out and see what happens. Again, not fun, but sometimes the only option. I'll keep an eye on boots, though.