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paranoid0693517

Member Since 2006

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Wednesday Jun 01, 2011

Jun 1, 2011
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I am a cook, and in the kitchen there are video cameras. Essentially they are there because of me (because I lit myself on fire once. Yes, I am a total badass.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
I went to light one of the broilers. What nobody had told me was that someone else had tried to light it and left it on for a few minutes before realizing the pilot light was out. So I tried to turn it on, saw that the pilot light was out, and tried to light it with a match until BOOM! An explosion shook the ENTIRE restaurant (and the apartments above it). I was engulfed in flames and fell to the floor. Stop drop and roll wasn't very handy, they had to pour milk on me. The flames damaged my lungs so I had to go to the hospital, but there was traffic on route 80, so they had to get me to the hospital via helicopter. Sweet, I know. There is a picture of me in the hospital with a burnt up face and charred hair somewhere in my attachments if you are that interested.



Anyway, this girl I work with, Daria (like you're from Brooklyn) is my boss's step daughter, and they live in the apartments above the restaurant. These cameras are linked to something over the internet so he can monitor us (although he says it's because he wants to make sure we don't need his help). This makes me very paranoid. I constantly feel like I am being watched, and have found everywhere in the kitchen I can hide from the cameras.

To help deal with this paranoia, I like to write haikus from Daria's perspective, as if she is watching these cameras. Here are some of the haikus

"Contamination / by all of the waiting staff! / Much degradation!"

"My slaves do not cook! / They don't bake, blanch or broil! / They just mass produce."

"Worker drones, fickle. / I am above them all! / Time to go to sleep..."

"Put your pants back on! / Work is not for great dancing / and reckless passion"

One I wrote to her on my day off:
"Jenius haikus make / sure she goes back to work with / profound indifference"

Just thought I would share.

Also, if anyone is interested, check out The Shadow on the Stone by Thomas Hardy. By far, my favorite poem.

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