time again to change. how did i end up here, in this place, naked, staring at a reflection of a reflection. i thought that i was done with all this shit, this self-finding crap.
i keep telling myself that i want a simple life, the one advertised on t.v., the one all my friends seem to find. you know the one, with the nicest gal youve ever met (she gardens, loves her dad, with a little pixie haircut), and the craftsman house and the dog, the whole 401k pictures from vacation in cuba (in black and white of course, artfully framed and hung); yeah that one. but every time i run after that dream (fantasy really) i keep running into the same problem. i look in the mirror and there i am.
its a sad little story boys and girls. boy meets girl. girl loves boy. but the story book doesnt turn out so happy. its sad when you dont love someone who loves you. shoe on the other foot and all that. so the boy meets a new girl. beautiful girl. falls in love really this time. the whole stepping off the cliff unknown and not caring bit. and what a rollercoaster it was. such passion, you always want it to last. sad that it never does. promises sworn, plans made, conspiracies hatched.
but there is a catch. its not the time, the place, the therapist plots out your health and ruins your life. god im sounding so bitter. i know. im sorry, i hate it too. but just once i want someone unafraid of risks, chances, plots and high places. i want us versus the world. i swear i dont care. i dont care what the talk shows and self-help gurus and your mothers say.
but really, that fantasy, that simple life, would i be happy there, with everything alright, and weekends at the lake and barbeques with the neighbors and the lawn, would i be happy there. happy unchanging, not searching, not reaching, not growing, not looking.
so fuck. here i am again. time to change. time to keep the heart outstretched, unflinching. knowing that what makes me alive is me alone. heart beating. following the breath. jumping, dancing, hurting, singing, hurtling forward unafraid.
time to laugh at that reflection. and remember that when the end result is the same for everyone, no matter the choices made, that there are, can be no mistakes.
i keep telling myself that i want a simple life, the one advertised on t.v., the one all my friends seem to find. you know the one, with the nicest gal youve ever met (she gardens, loves her dad, with a little pixie haircut), and the craftsman house and the dog, the whole 401k pictures from vacation in cuba (in black and white of course, artfully framed and hung); yeah that one. but every time i run after that dream (fantasy really) i keep running into the same problem. i look in the mirror and there i am.
its a sad little story boys and girls. boy meets girl. girl loves boy. but the story book doesnt turn out so happy. its sad when you dont love someone who loves you. shoe on the other foot and all that. so the boy meets a new girl. beautiful girl. falls in love really this time. the whole stepping off the cliff unknown and not caring bit. and what a rollercoaster it was. such passion, you always want it to last. sad that it never does. promises sworn, plans made, conspiracies hatched.
but there is a catch. its not the time, the place, the therapist plots out your health and ruins your life. god im sounding so bitter. i know. im sorry, i hate it too. but just once i want someone unafraid of risks, chances, plots and high places. i want us versus the world. i swear i dont care. i dont care what the talk shows and self-help gurus and your mothers say.
but really, that fantasy, that simple life, would i be happy there, with everything alright, and weekends at the lake and barbeques with the neighbors and the lawn, would i be happy there. happy unchanging, not searching, not reaching, not growing, not looking.
so fuck. here i am again. time to change. time to keep the heart outstretched, unflinching. knowing that what makes me alive is me alone. heart beating. following the breath. jumping, dancing, hurting, singing, hurtling forward unafraid.
time to laugh at that reflection. and remember that when the end result is the same for everyone, no matter the choices made, that there are, can be no mistakes.