paragon

Im overcome with the feeling of vomiting and frustration. Tonight was my send off dinner with a group of friends, two of which (a married couple) I have spent so much time with that I feel closer to them then I do anyone else in the world. As the dinner was over and we went back to their house to relax, I was constantly reminded that this will be one of the last times that I will get to spend time with them like this. I sit wondering why I couldnt always have this feeling. The feeling of extreme comfort like this is the way life should be. As I sit here getting ready for my nightly routine of surfing the internet and doing whatever else one does getting ready for bed, all I can think is how I want to be there with them. Gearing up my decision to move involved looking into a lot of aspects of my life including career choice, money, weather, family, friends, and in general what I would be leaving behind. At the time, I wasnt spending any time with friends and family. Everyone was just too busy for me and had too much going on in their lives. This made me evaluate my position with them and think that I really needed to find a life of my own. Over the last month since it has been certain that I was leaving, I have been spending more and more time with this couple that I treasure. So that has only made it harder for me to want to leave. Now I have to deal with leaving my mother behind and the couple who I love dearly. Im really going to miss all of the fantastic times that I have shared with them. Its completely different from what I feel about leaving my mom. When it comes to my mom, I feel like she needs me so it makes me very sad knowing how much it will hurt her for me to be gone. With the two friends, I will actually miss the feeling I have when Im around them. Its almost like Im in love only in a different kind of way. This feeling is really terrible and I dont know what else to say.

Well, wish me luck. I'm getting ready to take down my internet for the move. Damn. The next time I get on here will be Friday when I'm in Denver... Oh the drama.