paragon

What a day! Once again, working has me ready to say "Fuck it All" and move to another country and just start over.
So today I found out that my dad in in a metal hospital because he tried to kill himself. You always hear that the holidays are the most depressing time of the year. And I for one have been dealing with it myself. None of my friends understand why I don't get excited about Christmas. They all think I am sick. Well what they don't seam to get is that when you are alone, you don't exactly have anyone to share in the joy. I would imagine that all of this just became too much for my good old dad to handle. He has always been very weak mentally. He has pretty much wasted he entire life. He was also a terrible father. So I guess all of these things are just catching up to him. I don't understand how anyone would ever kill themselves. I have had some pretty bad stretches where things just got terrible, but I never even once thought that could be the way to go. Shit, I want to be immortal. If I could trade in my soul and live forever... sign me up. I am not a believer in the afterlife. I do believe in having a spirit that can outlive your physical being, but I think once that is gone then you are done. So why the hell would anyone want to trade in early. Even when things suck, I still have enough good moments that it makes me want to stay here. Oh well. I seam to always write before bed when I am tired and don't make any sense. I will leave now.
Goodnight!