OK, so I have had a terrible day. No specific reason It was just a very depressing day. I just wanted to hang out and be comforted by someone, but of course that didnt happen either. So I just sat here by myself thinking that I really just need to get things out. I need some way of getting all of my emotions out on the table when I realized Hello, go write in your SG journal! So here I go:
Today I really feel like I have completely wasted my life up to this point. I am 26 years old and have nothing to show for it. I really havent accomplished anything since I was 18. Your first 18 years are so easy. Everything is laid out for you, you have a plan and that plan is to go to school until you are old enough to get out of your house. So that is what I did. That is what 99% of Americans do. But now I have absolutely wasted the last 8 years. I started by going to college. After 2 years and bouncing around to four different majors I thought it would be a great idea to leave school and go get a job So I did. It was so nice getting paid. But then I realized that the job I was at was a complete dead end. I would never be happy if I stayed there. So I went in search of the all mighty career. Well, 5 years later I am at this job, excuse me, career and guess what. I hate it. Im 26 years old, no degree, addicted to money, and I detest my job. This is what makes me think about my entire world in General. I have no degree, I hate my job, I have no house, no wife, no girlfriend, and very few friends (and even fewer that I actually have common interests with). These are the things that fill my head and make it hard to get up every morning. I live my life looking at what everyone else has. But I cant ever be happy with what I have. Actually, I cant even tell you what I have because I dont know. I have a bunch of useless garbage that fills my apartment. I have a motorcycle that would normally make me happy except for the fact that I live in Indiana and it is fucking freezing here now. I have a mother who loves me. And I have a few friends who are all right. But I find problems with all of these things. The garbage that fills my apartment is ok, but I always want better things. Everything I own, I want more of. My cloths, sure they are ok, but I want better. My motorcycle, well I have already addressed that. Indiana, remember? I guess there is nothing wrong with my mom, she is pretty cool, just a little nagging at times. Now my friends. I have a love-hate relationship with most of my friends. I love them all because I really enjoy spending quality time with them. I hate them because they show me what I dont have. We always hang out at there wonderful houses. On top of that they tell me about their great jobs that they love so much. This mixed all in with the fact that they are all in completely loving relationships. It makes me sick to think about. I just wonder why I am such a terrible person that I dont get these things? Why cant I find a job that I love to do? Why cant I find a women that I can love and loves me back? But it sucks because I know that life is what we make out of it. If things are wrong there is no one to blame but myself. I just dont know how to fix anything. I am trying to go back to school next year, but I dont know if it will work out because I dont know if I can live as a poor college student anymore. Plus, right now I think I will like my new choice of careers, but what if I dont? What if I still cant find what Im looking for? That is my career plan, but what about my personal plan? I havent dated anyone in ages. Why is that? Can I really not find anyone? Or am I too busy not even looking? Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I just sold everything that I own, packed a bag and left. Would it be possible for me to start over? Could I find somewhere to just completely abandon the life I have made so far and just break out of my shell? Or would I just get eaten alive by a grasshopper? Oh well. I think I am now done ranting. I guess I will just get ready for bed so I can look forward to another day for the torture that is my life.
The hardest thing to do in this world is to live in it
Today I really feel like I have completely wasted my life up to this point. I am 26 years old and have nothing to show for it. I really havent accomplished anything since I was 18. Your first 18 years are so easy. Everything is laid out for you, you have a plan and that plan is to go to school until you are old enough to get out of your house. So that is what I did. That is what 99% of Americans do. But now I have absolutely wasted the last 8 years. I started by going to college. After 2 years and bouncing around to four different majors I thought it would be a great idea to leave school and go get a job So I did. It was so nice getting paid. But then I realized that the job I was at was a complete dead end. I would never be happy if I stayed there. So I went in search of the all mighty career. Well, 5 years later I am at this job, excuse me, career and guess what. I hate it. Im 26 years old, no degree, addicted to money, and I detest my job. This is what makes me think about my entire world in General. I have no degree, I hate my job, I have no house, no wife, no girlfriend, and very few friends (and even fewer that I actually have common interests with). These are the things that fill my head and make it hard to get up every morning. I live my life looking at what everyone else has. But I cant ever be happy with what I have. Actually, I cant even tell you what I have because I dont know. I have a bunch of useless garbage that fills my apartment. I have a motorcycle that would normally make me happy except for the fact that I live in Indiana and it is fucking freezing here now. I have a mother who loves me. And I have a few friends who are all right. But I find problems with all of these things. The garbage that fills my apartment is ok, but I always want better things. Everything I own, I want more of. My cloths, sure they are ok, but I want better. My motorcycle, well I have already addressed that. Indiana, remember? I guess there is nothing wrong with my mom, she is pretty cool, just a little nagging at times. Now my friends. I have a love-hate relationship with most of my friends. I love them all because I really enjoy spending quality time with them. I hate them because they show me what I dont have. We always hang out at there wonderful houses. On top of that they tell me about their great jobs that they love so much. This mixed all in with the fact that they are all in completely loving relationships. It makes me sick to think about. I just wonder why I am such a terrible person that I dont get these things? Why cant I find a job that I love to do? Why cant I find a women that I can love and loves me back? But it sucks because I know that life is what we make out of it. If things are wrong there is no one to blame but myself. I just dont know how to fix anything. I am trying to go back to school next year, but I dont know if it will work out because I dont know if I can live as a poor college student anymore. Plus, right now I think I will like my new choice of careers, but what if I dont? What if I still cant find what Im looking for? That is my career plan, but what about my personal plan? I havent dated anyone in ages. Why is that? Can I really not find anyone? Or am I too busy not even looking? Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I just sold everything that I own, packed a bag and left. Would it be possible for me to start over? Could I find somewhere to just completely abandon the life I have made so far and just break out of my shell? Or would I just get eaten alive by a grasshopper? Oh well. I think I am now done ranting. I guess I will just get ready for bed so I can look forward to another day for the torture that is my life.
The hardest thing to do in this world is to live in it