so, blogging has always seemed a form of masturbation to me, but i guess it's something i should start trying to do...i guess for posterity, and perhaps as something i can let my kid(s) read later on in life to shed some light on why their dad is so weird...
this being my first blog entry, im sort of at a loss as to what i should talk about...i guess an introduction is probably the most fitting...
i have been working in a locksmithing environment for 14 years now...something that began as a temporary situation. why i have stayed, i suppose, is a crap shoot. its regular, its safe, im good at it. but i have no passion for it what so ever. i guess i have lived an ambitionless existence most of my life. im a reactionary being.
what i do have a passion for is music...but i never could figure out how to make my "have to" life meet in the middle with my "want to" life. so, for now, i remain where i am.
as of right now, my wife is nearing the third trimester of her first pregnancy, first child for both of us. im filled with the typical emotions of fathers to be, it would seem...anxiety, fear, excitement...but also i feel like it isn't real and it probably won't be until i hold my daughter in my arms for the first time.
she is my second wife, but i don't really count my first as we were together for all the wrong reasons. hindsight being 20/20 as it is, i can safely say that now, of course, but even back then, i knew i was fucking it up. my life that is...cuz fuck her. i thought i was supposed to get married and when i did that all the shit that didn't seem to work with us would somehow just fall into place. i realize now the naivety of such an assumption, but then, i was a completely different person then, scared and self conscious to the point of absurdity.
i guess the whole "let it out" part of blogging is cathartic...but thats enough for now.
enjoy it for what it is, inanity that will likely go unread for eternity.
cheers.
this being my first blog entry, im sort of at a loss as to what i should talk about...i guess an introduction is probably the most fitting...
i have been working in a locksmithing environment for 14 years now...something that began as a temporary situation. why i have stayed, i suppose, is a crap shoot. its regular, its safe, im good at it. but i have no passion for it what so ever. i guess i have lived an ambitionless existence most of my life. im a reactionary being.
what i do have a passion for is music...but i never could figure out how to make my "have to" life meet in the middle with my "want to" life. so, for now, i remain where i am.
as of right now, my wife is nearing the third trimester of her first pregnancy, first child for both of us. im filled with the typical emotions of fathers to be, it would seem...anxiety, fear, excitement...but also i feel like it isn't real and it probably won't be until i hold my daughter in my arms for the first time.
she is my second wife, but i don't really count my first as we were together for all the wrong reasons. hindsight being 20/20 as it is, i can safely say that now, of course, but even back then, i knew i was fucking it up. my life that is...cuz fuck her. i thought i was supposed to get married and when i did that all the shit that didn't seem to work with us would somehow just fall into place. i realize now the naivety of such an assumption, but then, i was a completely different person then, scared and self conscious to the point of absurdity.
i guess the whole "let it out" part of blogging is cathartic...but thats enough for now.
enjoy it for what it is, inanity that will likely go unread for eternity.
cheers.