Awright: I finally jumped off the arboretum bridge tonight. We climbed onto the "onramp to hell" at sunset, and halfway up, there was scrawled, in big pink chalk letters, "WIMP FUCK NUGGETS: TURN BACK." That, of course, was the point of no return.
At the top were a few punkish kids spinning around in little bikes. A couple younger kids had followed us up: they were "scoping it out" because they'd heard that if girls jumped off, the impact of the water frequently ripped off their bras - if it looked safe, they were planning on testing this hypothesis later tonight.
Anyway the leader of the group that was already there was spinning bike moves on top of what was, really, some cool sidewalk art; big colorful mushrooms and things like that. It was like a post-apocolyptic schoolyard. As we took our shirts off, he started expounding on the extreme dangers and thrills of the jump like some extreme sports vee-jay. "Four seconds: that's how long it takes for you to hit the water. The longest four seconds of your life."
Whatever. I fearlessly decided that I'd jump as soon as I saw someone else go. Fortunately, some late twentysomething chick with dyed hair came wheeling up on a little bike and proceeded to jump off. So of course, I jumped; it was real high. I swore a lot; there was a lot of time for it before I hit water, actually. On the bank, I found some girl had been videotaping all of it. Gosh.
The evening went downhill after that, except for meeting my future wife. The boys and I went back to my house and had beers on the roof, Then I went running over to Matthews beach after dark where some of our roomates would be going off the highdive. We got there and went to the float and I was just about to climb up the highdive steps when this gorgeous bikini clad girl leaps up onto the float. My friends and I had been going off the dive for a little while, but she walks up to me and asks, "what to see some real action?" Me being the man that I am, I let her go off first: she does a full-on backflip off the high dive, her hair whipping around against the backdrop of a warm starry night; I tell her the real action was at the arboretum bridge today, and she said she had gone off that too, around noon. My future wife. Didn't get her name, though, and did't actually see her face on account of the darkness and the fact that I'm somewhat mole-blind without my thick glasses. The end. Have a pig.
At the top were a few punkish kids spinning around in little bikes. A couple younger kids had followed us up: they were "scoping it out" because they'd heard that if girls jumped off, the impact of the water frequently ripped off their bras - if it looked safe, they were planning on testing this hypothesis later tonight.
Anyway the leader of the group that was already there was spinning bike moves on top of what was, really, some cool sidewalk art; big colorful mushrooms and things like that. It was like a post-apocolyptic schoolyard. As we took our shirts off, he started expounding on the extreme dangers and thrills of the jump like some extreme sports vee-jay. "Four seconds: that's how long it takes for you to hit the water. The longest four seconds of your life."
Whatever. I fearlessly decided that I'd jump as soon as I saw someone else go. Fortunately, some late twentysomething chick with dyed hair came wheeling up on a little bike and proceeded to jump off. So of course, I jumped; it was real high. I swore a lot; there was a lot of time for it before I hit water, actually. On the bank, I found some girl had been videotaping all of it. Gosh.
The evening went downhill after that, except for meeting my future wife. The boys and I went back to my house and had beers on the roof, Then I went running over to Matthews beach after dark where some of our roomates would be going off the highdive. We got there and went to the float and I was just about to climb up the highdive steps when this gorgeous bikini clad girl leaps up onto the float. My friends and I had been going off the dive for a little while, but she walks up to me and asks, "what to see some real action?" Me being the man that I am, I let her go off first: she does a full-on backflip off the high dive, her hair whipping around against the backdrop of a warm starry night; I tell her the real action was at the arboretum bridge today, and she said she had gone off that too, around noon. My future wife. Didn't get her name, though, and did't actually see her face on account of the darkness and the fact that I'm somewhat mole-blind without my thick glasses. The end. Have a pig.
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though i would recomend moving... none of the above
great, now i'm thinking about ted mcginley. that can't be good.