Friday Dec 17, 2004

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I feel like I've lost something very important, and I'm not sure for sure what it was. Could be my youth, could be my friends, my past? I've been thinking alot about the people who where, once upon a time, part of my life. The friends and lovers of the past. My best friends from high school whom I haven't talked to in over 10 years, the family that I lived with for 5-6 years, who took me in and made me part of their family. The last contact I had with them was sending a birth anouncement when my first son was born 8 years ago. The more that I think about it, I haven't lost anything, I've selfishly walked away from everyone who was ever part of my life. I'm too depressed to continue this...
freakqueen:
it's the "i want to be alone but not lonely" mentality.

wanna hear about my morning?

my mom was driving me somewhere. I was late. And she commented on the fact that i was late.
i rarely ever panic.
By that point, i'd already accepted that i was late.
So i said, "I know."
She said, "You should think more aboutthe decisions you make. If you got out of bed 5 minutes earlier, you'd be on time"
"Mom-" i attempted to make an attempt to interrupt her and she shuts up. " I don't care. "
...breif silence.. Very brief if you ask me. I personally wouldn't have minded if it had lasted longer.
then she goes on and on about how i never care. And how i'm "so selfish"

i wanted to jab her with the closest pointy object available. Don't get me wrong. I love her. but can't quite deal with anyone right now. And this is how i am on most days

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