pandemonium

To have and to hold a heart that beats for you and in unison with your own. I once described that as my ideal relationship. And, although I no longer actively seek such a union of souls, I still cling to that dream. It's funny how dreams can linger in spite of all the harsh realities life stabs and drills into them. I have no good reason to think any relationship could ever last. I have no good reason to assume anyone could ever love me. I certainly can't stand up as a shining example. Each of my pathetic attempts at relationships crashed and burned like the Hindenburg. My own parent's "marriage" stands as a testemant to why its a terrible idea in my mind to "stay together for the kids." Each and every time I've seen one of my friends, my cousins or my relatives in a good relationship, life has to come along and fuck it up. What reason, what experience have I ever been offered that should make me still bother hoping?

But the fact remains that I do. In the face of every single iota, every single shred of evidence to the contrary, I do believe in love, in hope for love. I believe in that feeling of electricity when you kiss. I believe in the fire when you sweat. I believe in that overwhelming strength you get where you feel you could tear the gods from the heavens themselves with your bare hands. And I believe in the transcendental catharsis that is love. And I also believe that one day, I will crack this world in two for trying to convince me otherwise.

the farther i fall i'm beside you
as lost as i get i will find you
the deeper the wound i'm inside you
for ever and ever i am a part of...

Fuck the world. And when it fucks back, as it invariably does, make sure you fuck back all the harder.

~ Rob