Pat was the very first love of my life. He haunted my dreams last night.
I was 12 and he was 13. When I met him I remember instantly thinking I love him.
We quickly bacame the best of friends. He lived on the golf coarse on the rich side of town. I did not.
He fit in. I was a little gothic girl. He was with me for many years and I with him. We loved each other. Not in the way that a couple would. We were best friends. We had sex for many years. It was not like a booty call. We loved each other. He dated the cheerleader type. I was the gothic girl. We were always together on the weekends. Everyone knew we were together. We also dated other people but we were always still together.
I wanted to be in a committed relationship with him. He told me I wasn't the kind of girl to bring home to his family. ouch.
He moved away to Texas when I was almost 16. I thought I was going to die. We continued to speak on a regular basis as well as write. On my 16th birthday roses came to my highschool from him. I will never forget that day. He sent me gifts for awhile and I him. We really did love each other.
18 years ago when I was 17 he called to tell me about Angela. She was older, like 25. He was going to marry her. I died. I really died. I cried for many days. Uncontrollable crying. He was supposed to marry me.
We still kept in touch. We really did love each other.
When I was 19 I was living with some dumb ass in Ohio. I was in a abusive relationship. I called Pat for help. He said I needed to leave now and come to Texas or he was going to come and kill the guy that was hurting me. I went to Texas. I lived with another of our friends, Jon.
Pat was married and had a young baby. I was 19 and he was 20. We still loved each other. We were secretly together for a good long time. He kind of hid me. He was the first love of my life. He was the ONE!!! I loved him with everything.
I remember when his wife showed up at the door and didn't know I was there. She just stared at me and said aren't you Patricia? Then said what are you doing here and walked away. It was weird. I remember thinking in my head what are you doing married to the love of my life. Fuck I was so young and stupid.
I moved to Dallas and starting dating another guy. He was fun and I really liked him. So I stopped Pat. I stopped him. I wasn't with him while I was with this other guy. Well, only once. In the greater scheme of things I wasn't with him. Then the other guy moved away to Seattle. I was sad about this, we had been together almost a year. Pat found out. I'm sure I told him but I can't remember.
What I can remember is a very drunk Pat showing up at my apartment in Dallas. He was there for me. He missed me, he missed being with me. He told me over and over how much he loved me while trying to get me to have sex with him. I wouldn't. I was done. I didn't want to be the girl you don't bring home to mom anymore. As I type this I still freakin cry like a baby. He continued to try to have sex with me. He was so drunk. He dragged me up my stairs. I just cried and cried. I remember starting to punch him as I was crying and I started screaming. He stopped then as if he realized what was going on and left. I never saw him again.
He was the first love of my life. I thought I would marry him. We loved each other in a very interesting way for many years.
About 10 years ago I got his number somehow. I called him several times and left messages. Finally he answered. This is all he said. "Why don't you call me in another fucking 10 years bitch". That was it.
It tore me up. I wasn't the one that showed up all drunk.
Apparently he had gotten a big bad divorce. I imagine i was the cause. Not sure I wasn't there. His wife married his bestfriend, Jon. They became hardcore Christians.
The story of how I lost my heart when I was young.
I dreamt about him last night. I was trying to take a picture of us together. I never got one.
If I knew his number I would probably call.
I wonder how he is these days.
Even with the horrible end of our story, we really did love each other.
I was 12 and he was 13. When I met him I remember instantly thinking I love him.
We quickly bacame the best of friends. He lived on the golf coarse on the rich side of town. I did not.
He fit in. I was a little gothic girl. He was with me for many years and I with him. We loved each other. Not in the way that a couple would. We were best friends. We had sex for many years. It was not like a booty call. We loved each other. He dated the cheerleader type. I was the gothic girl. We were always together on the weekends. Everyone knew we were together. We also dated other people but we were always still together.
I wanted to be in a committed relationship with him. He told me I wasn't the kind of girl to bring home to his family. ouch.
He moved away to Texas when I was almost 16. I thought I was going to die. We continued to speak on a regular basis as well as write. On my 16th birthday roses came to my highschool from him. I will never forget that day. He sent me gifts for awhile and I him. We really did love each other.
18 years ago when I was 17 he called to tell me about Angela. She was older, like 25. He was going to marry her. I died. I really died. I cried for many days. Uncontrollable crying. He was supposed to marry me.
We still kept in touch. We really did love each other.
When I was 19 I was living with some dumb ass in Ohio. I was in a abusive relationship. I called Pat for help. He said I needed to leave now and come to Texas or he was going to come and kill the guy that was hurting me. I went to Texas. I lived with another of our friends, Jon.
Pat was married and had a young baby. I was 19 and he was 20. We still loved each other. We were secretly together for a good long time. He kind of hid me. He was the first love of my life. He was the ONE!!! I loved him with everything.
I remember when his wife showed up at the door and didn't know I was there. She just stared at me and said aren't you Patricia? Then said what are you doing here and walked away. It was weird. I remember thinking in my head what are you doing married to the love of my life. Fuck I was so young and stupid.
I moved to Dallas and starting dating another guy. He was fun and I really liked him. So I stopped Pat. I stopped him. I wasn't with him while I was with this other guy. Well, only once. In the greater scheme of things I wasn't with him. Then the other guy moved away to Seattle. I was sad about this, we had been together almost a year. Pat found out. I'm sure I told him but I can't remember.
What I can remember is a very drunk Pat showing up at my apartment in Dallas. He was there for me. He missed me, he missed being with me. He told me over and over how much he loved me while trying to get me to have sex with him. I wouldn't. I was done. I didn't want to be the girl you don't bring home to mom anymore. As I type this I still freakin cry like a baby. He continued to try to have sex with me. He was so drunk. He dragged me up my stairs. I just cried and cried. I remember starting to punch him as I was crying and I started screaming. He stopped then as if he realized what was going on and left. I never saw him again.
He was the first love of my life. I thought I would marry him. We loved each other in a very interesting way for many years.
About 10 years ago I got his number somehow. I called him several times and left messages. Finally he answered. This is all he said. "Why don't you call me in another fucking 10 years bitch". That was it.
It tore me up. I wasn't the one that showed up all drunk.
Apparently he had gotten a big bad divorce. I imagine i was the cause. Not sure I wasn't there. His wife married his bestfriend, Jon. They became hardcore Christians.
The story of how I lost my heart when I was young.
I dreamt about him last night. I was trying to take a picture of us together. I never got one.
If I knew his number I would probably call.
I wonder how he is these days.
Even with the horrible end of our story, we really did love each other.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
aldremech:
Getting past something like that is pretty hard. Sounds like you at least need to find some closure with everything. I had done the same thing a few years ago, and sadly, it was the exact opposite of what I thought it was supposed to be. But I did get closure 
bushka:
yes, i totally agree. especially when you dream, they can be so powerful, and pull you back to that time, so that when you wake up it is so real you get confused with your real life now x