lilli helped me to get some clarity in my life last night. She has a lovely little Tarot deck full of mysterious and magical information.
We had a great discussion filled with much clarity.
I woke up this morning still feeling distressed and my gut is telling me that I need to make some changes. I think it is time. I like change, but fear it like nothing else right now.
I have decided that I will do the rest of my births for the next couple months and pass on care of the others.
This makes me sad. But it is time for the change.
It's funny how she had previously asked me if I wanted to take things over. I really did too. I always saw it with many changes though. So what does that say about the current state of affairs.
My dear friend Matt, a friend I grew up with helped me to see how I did cross the line. He was able to share the doctorly perspective. So what do I figure ----> work independant or at another birth center.
Well this is something only time will tell.
fuck---->I hate anything resembling drama.
Edit... Now I have sent off my resume to another birth center and all is well here. My current job feels nice and normal and stress free. Now I have no idea what my gut is telling me. I think I have a condition called "Involuntary Gut Confusion". I'm sure that is it. I am not a doctor though, so I shouldn't diagnos. That would be praticing medicine without a license, and that is illegal.
So...
We had a great discussion filled with much clarity.
I woke up this morning still feeling distressed and my gut is telling me that I need to make some changes. I think it is time. I like change, but fear it like nothing else right now.
I have decided that I will do the rest of my births for the next couple months and pass on care of the others.

This makes me sad. But it is time for the change.
It's funny how she had previously asked me if I wanted to take things over. I really did too. I always saw it with many changes though. So what does that say about the current state of affairs.
My dear friend Matt, a friend I grew up with helped me to see how I did cross the line. He was able to share the doctorly perspective. So what do I figure ----> work independant or at another birth center.
Well this is something only time will tell.
fuck---->I hate anything resembling drama.
Edit... Now I have sent off my resume to another birth center and all is well here. My current job feels nice and normal and stress free. Now I have no idea what my gut is telling me. I think I have a condition called "Involuntary Gut Confusion". I'm sure that is it. I am not a doctor though, so I shouldn't diagnos. That would be praticing medicine without a license, and that is illegal.

So...
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Wiping the slate clean and removing a lot of the negativity from my life though.
Otherwise, I get really sad.
It will pass........ someday.