pandara

Yesterday I posted this...
"Some friends you just want to keep forever and ever. So be a good friend."

I then promptly got overwhelmed with my work and flaked on a friend for lunch.
She called I didn't answer I was to busy. I had an appointment and a meeting. I forgot about the meeting.
I sent her a myspace message due to a bit of social anxiety that comes up with me when I feel confrontation.
I couldn't bring myself to call her.
She totoally ripped me a new one.
She basically told me to go fuck myself and no wonder I have had previous issues with friends.
side note... she flaked on my last month. I sat and waited and waited and waited for her. I didn't do that to her.
next side note... I worked with her in her pregnancy and we became friends.
So I'm feeling all like a massive shit bag today.
I cried my eyes out last night.
OH GOD I really hurt someone's feelings that I care about.
But really...on the reality side of things...my friends need to understand how busy I am.
They need to stop asking me to cut their hair.
Maybe I just need to learn how to say NO.
I like cutting their hair.
I just don't like when issues come up around me not showing up.

OK so I totally flaked on her.
I'm an ass.

But...I don't really want to fix it.

When I was crying my eyes out last night my hubby let me know she was coming around a lot while i was in Mexico. um.... OK. She even took him out to dinner. um...OK. She never comes by when I am home. She just gets pissed at me for stuff. um...OK. He actually said something like and tried to fuck your husband. um...OK. Well that was interesting. It made it even more confusing. I don't even want to waste the energy to deal with that can of worms. I did kind of think that something weird was up for awhile. I thought she was getting to sweet with the hubby. So I backed away from the friendship. It was making me all stressed.

When I came back from Mexico I had called her from the LAX airport to tell her about my trip. She proceeded to tell me about her and Darren going out to dinnerr. I was like WAHHHHH. I played it off. I called Darren and flipped out. I was like what are you doing going out to dinner with my friends while I am in another country.
We fought about it for like a week. Then I just let it go. What do you do really?

So what the fuck was I crying about?

OH that's right.... I'm the fucking ass hole.
I flaked on cutting someone's hair while I was at a work meeting.
Oh and I didn't even call.

LIFE IS SO WEIRD!!!

The thing is, is that I don't feel comfortable with being the one who hurts people. I have had a few incidents over the last few years that drama followed. So I really don't like it.

So let me just bend over and take it.

Note to self... No one is trustworthy. Not with your stories, your partners, your emotions.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Yours truely...
the chca that don't know what the fuck is really going on.




But hey the sun is shining.