pandara

Well life has been interesting these days. As the weather changes so does my mood. I can't figure out if I am sick or depressed. From the aches and pains and shivers and sore throat, oh and the headache I would have to say it must be sickenss, which is so depressing. I actually slept away the entire day yesterday under a pile of six blankets with the heater blazing. Oh woes me.

Sleeping by Day - Ray Caesar

and yes... I will sleep by day today and hopefully wake anew.

When I grow up, whenever that may be I want to be a sexy cowgirl. Do I need a horse for that? I had horses when I was growing up. I was such the little country girl. I still wanna be a cowgirl. Some things never change. Hmm.. so maybe next year. But I don't really think I want a horse, just a hat and guns. bang bang


So what is it that makes girls want to be so sexy. We smile, we giggle, we shake our hips and bite our lips and that is only a tiny bit of what we do. Before I got sick I had an extra sexy day. It feels good to embrace it from time to time, especially when other things in life feel somewhat askew.

Here is an excerpt from my most favorite story in the whole world. I read this story for the first time 15 years ago. The book was given to me as a gift from a man, or so he thought. It changed my life and helped me to better understand who I was, who I am, and how life is and will be. I cry every time I read the story and I have read it a good to many times. It speaks to my soul and that's all I really know.

The Most Beatiful Woman in Town by Charles Bukowski 1920-1994

"Why do you haggle your beauty?" I asked. "Why don't you just live with it?"
"Because people think it's all I have. Beauty is nothing, beauty won't stay. You don't know how lucky you are to be ugly, because if people like you you know it's for something else."
"O.k.," I said, "I'm lucky."
"I don't mean you're ugly. People just think you're ugly. You have a fascinating face."
"Thanks."
We had another drink.


Photo of Charles Bukowski (1920-1994) the dirty old man that I love.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.



I think I'm trapped in something really powerful! LIfe? It can really be so freakin confussing.
Lyrics...
Regina Spektor-Sampson

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didnt mention us
The bible didnt mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first , I loved you first
Beneath the stars came falling on our heads
But they're just old light
They're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors and the yellow light
He told me that I'd done alright
and kissed me till the morning light the morning light
and he kissed me till the morning light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonder bread
and went right back to bed
We couldn't break the columns down
No, we couldn't destroy a single one
and the history books forgot about us
and the bible didnt mention us
not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first