pandamonium

A GUY CALLS HIS BUDDY THE HORSE RANCHER AND SAYS HE'S SENDING A FRIEND OVER TO LOOK AT A HORSE. HIS BUDDY ASKS "HOW WILL I RECOGNIZE HIM?" THAT'S EASY, HE'S A MIDGET WITH A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT." SO, THE MIDGET SHOWS UP, AND THE GUY ASKS HIM IF HE'S LOOKING FOR A MALE OR FEMALE HORSE. "A FEMALE HORTH." SO HE SHOWS HIM A PRIZED...
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so i'm kind of bummed today. last night was the N.E.R.D. concert and i'd planned on going for the past month.

didn't make it. this would've been my second concert to see them. i got a signed poster at the first, which Pharrell signed "Nice Rack . . . of thoughts! ♥ 4rell" because i flashed him. not some chicken-milisecond flash - i yanked my...
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One part of love is innocense
One part of love is guilt
One part, the milk, that in a sense
Is soured as soon as spilt

One part of love is sentiment
One part of love is lust
One part the presentiment
Of our return to dust.

from "Weaveworld," Clive Barker

i would like to take this moment to thank everyone who not only has tact but practices it.

there are many ways of getting your point across, and obviously being blunt is the quickest.

but tact is also much appreciated.

i might be off for a few days, due to financial freedom . . .

yeah, if you don't have money, technically you're freed from it, right?

my automatic payment went through this week, or tried to rather, so we'll see how my membership holds up for the next few days.

well, to add a weekend update, sans Kevin Nealon . . .

i met...
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A husband and wife decide to take a vacation to the Grand Canyon. For an afternoon excursion, they go on a horse back ride down one side of the canyon.

About an hour after setting out, the wife's horse becomes awnry, throwing it's head about and not keeping pace with the group. The wife jerks back the reigns, dismounts, and walks to the front of...
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here's one of my friend's personal Darwin Award favorites . . .

Arkansas Democrat Gazette] Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33.of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of...
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THE 2004 DARWIN AWARDS

Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip...
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A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a
primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching
them reading, writing, math, and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a
white child. The members of the tribe are shocked, and
the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look
here! You're the only white man we've ever seen...
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my friend Josh tells me -

On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair,
drinking beer and watching my girlfriend mow the lawn.
The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at
this, that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be
hung." I took a drink from my can of Coors Light, wiped the
cold foam from my...
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