Gina was on her death bed with her husband, David, maintaining a steady vigil by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran silently down his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her slumber. She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling David," she whispered.
"Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk."
But she was insistent. "David," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping David. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, David. I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father."
David mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand. "Hush now Gina, don't torment yourself. I know all about it." he said, "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
**
A man is in the waiting room of a hospital waiting on his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and says, "Sir, I have some amazing news, your baby can fly!" The man is clearly dumbfounded by this and insists on seeing his baby. He and the doctor go to the delivery room. The doctor pick up the baby holding it high in the air and drops it. It falls to the floor with a loud THUD.
The father is completely horrified. The doctor hastily says, "Hold on, I swear to you he flew. Let me try again." The doctor tosses the baby across the room and it hits the wall and slides down. The father is overcome with disgust and begins screaming at the doctor to stop. The doctor says, "Wait, I know. Mother birds sometimes have to give their young some incentive to fly. Maybe it will work here." Having said this, he tosses to baby out of the third story window.
The baby falls all the way to the sidewalk with loud THUD. The father races to the window screaming and cursing at the doctor. With that, the doctor smiles and says, " I am kidding sir, your baby was stillborn."
**
What do women and ketchup bottles have in common?
They both work better after you hit them a few times
**
Did you know Hellen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard...?
Neither did she.
**
How can you tell if a woman has an orgasm?
Who the fuck cares?
**
Why did Hellen Keller's Dog run away?
You'de run away too if your name was dur-dajuwalekamcaajdf
**
Why shouldn't women be allowed to drive?
There's no road between the kitchen and the bedroom.
************************************************
"Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk."
But she was insistent. "David," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping David. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, David. I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father."
David mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand. "Hush now Gina, don't torment yourself. I know all about it." he said, "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
**
A man is in the waiting room of a hospital waiting on his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and says, "Sir, I have some amazing news, your baby can fly!" The man is clearly dumbfounded by this and insists on seeing his baby. He and the doctor go to the delivery room. The doctor pick up the baby holding it high in the air and drops it. It falls to the floor with a loud THUD.
The father is completely horrified. The doctor hastily says, "Hold on, I swear to you he flew. Let me try again." The doctor tosses the baby across the room and it hits the wall and slides down. The father is overcome with disgust and begins screaming at the doctor to stop. The doctor says, "Wait, I know. Mother birds sometimes have to give their young some incentive to fly. Maybe it will work here." Having said this, he tosses to baby out of the third story window.
The baby falls all the way to the sidewalk with loud THUD. The father races to the window screaming and cursing at the doctor. With that, the doctor smiles and says, " I am kidding sir, your baby was stillborn."
**
What do women and ketchup bottles have in common?
They both work better after you hit them a few times
**
Did you know Hellen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard...?
Neither did she.
**
How can you tell if a woman has an orgasm?
Who the fuck cares?
**
Why did Hellen Keller's Dog run away?
You'de run away too if your name was dur-dajuwalekamcaajdf
**
Why shouldn't women be allowed to drive?
There's no road between the kitchen and the bedroom.
************************************************
VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
lifter77:
one day i will check your journal and get an actual update.........not that i dont like the jokes...but i'd like too hear horw things are once in a while, and not feel like i stumbled into a fowarded email from my mom 
thejuanupsman:
Not flattery when it is true. 