A NEWLYWED COUPLE HAD ONLY BEEN MARRIED FOR TWO WEEKS. THE HUSBAND, ALTHOUGH VERY MUCH IN LOVE, COULDN'T WAIT TO GO OUT ON THE TOWN AND PARTY WITH HIS OLD BUDDIES.
SO, HE SAID TO HIS NEW WIFE, "HONEY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."
WHERE ARE YOU GOING, COOCHY COOH?" ASKED THE WIFE.
"I'M GOING TO THE BAR, PRETTY FACE. I'M GOING TO HAVE A BEER."
THE WIFE SAID, "YOU WANT A BEER, MY LOVE?" SHE OPENED THE DOOR TO THE REFRIGERATOR AND SHOWED HIM 25 DIFFERENT KINDS OF BEER, BRANDS FROM 12 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES: GERMANY, HOLLAND, JAPAN, INDIA, ETC.
THE HUSBAND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND THE ONLY THING THAT HE COULD THINK OF SAYING WAS, "YES, LOLLY POP...BUT AT THE BAR...YOU KNOW...THEY HAVE FROZEN GLASSES..."
HE DIDN'T GET TO FINISH THE SENTENCE, BECAUSE THE WIFE INTERRUPTED HIM BY SAYING, "YOU WANT A FROZEN GLASS, PUPPY FACE?" SHE TOOK A HUGE BEER MUG OUT OF THE FREEZER, SO FROZEN THAT SHE WAS GETTING CHILLS JUST HOLDING IT.
THE HUSBAND, LOOKING A BIT PALE, SAID, "YES, TOOTSIE ROLL, BUT AT THE BAR THEY HAVE THOSE HORS D'OEUVRES THAT ARE REALLY DELICIOUS... I WON'T BE LONG; I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. I PROMISE. OK?"
"YOU WANT HORS D'OEUVRES, POOCHI POOH?" SHE OPENED THE OVEN AND TOOK OUT 5 DISHES OF DIFFERENT HORS D'OEUVRES: CHICKEN WINGS, PIGS IN BLANKETS, MUSHROOM CAPS, PORK STRIPS, ETC.
"BUT MY SWEET HONEY... AT THE BAR... YOU KNOW... THERE'S SWEARING, DIRTY WORDS AND ALL THAT..."
"YOU WANT DIRTY WORDS, CUTIE PIE?... "LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD!, DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, AND YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?" ..AND, THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
ISN'T THAT A SWEET STORY?
SO, HE SAID TO HIS NEW WIFE, "HONEY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."
WHERE ARE YOU GOING, COOCHY COOH?" ASKED THE WIFE.
"I'M GOING TO THE BAR, PRETTY FACE. I'M GOING TO HAVE A BEER."
THE WIFE SAID, "YOU WANT A BEER, MY LOVE?" SHE OPENED THE DOOR TO THE REFRIGERATOR AND SHOWED HIM 25 DIFFERENT KINDS OF BEER, BRANDS FROM 12 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES: GERMANY, HOLLAND, JAPAN, INDIA, ETC.
THE HUSBAND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND THE ONLY THING THAT HE COULD THINK OF SAYING WAS, "YES, LOLLY POP...BUT AT THE BAR...YOU KNOW...THEY HAVE FROZEN GLASSES..."
HE DIDN'T GET TO FINISH THE SENTENCE, BECAUSE THE WIFE INTERRUPTED HIM BY SAYING, "YOU WANT A FROZEN GLASS, PUPPY FACE?" SHE TOOK A HUGE BEER MUG OUT OF THE FREEZER, SO FROZEN THAT SHE WAS GETTING CHILLS JUST HOLDING IT.
THE HUSBAND, LOOKING A BIT PALE, SAID, "YES, TOOTSIE ROLL, BUT AT THE BAR THEY HAVE THOSE HORS D'OEUVRES THAT ARE REALLY DELICIOUS... I WON'T BE LONG; I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. I PROMISE. OK?"
"YOU WANT HORS D'OEUVRES, POOCHI POOH?" SHE OPENED THE OVEN AND TOOK OUT 5 DISHES OF DIFFERENT HORS D'OEUVRES: CHICKEN WINGS, PIGS IN BLANKETS, MUSHROOM CAPS, PORK STRIPS, ETC.
"BUT MY SWEET HONEY... AT THE BAR... YOU KNOW... THERE'S SWEARING, DIRTY WORDS AND ALL THAT..."
"YOU WANT DIRTY WORDS, CUTIE PIE?... "LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD!, DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, AND YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?" ..AND, THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
ISN'T THAT A SWEET STORY?
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
gas in their tanks would be being too nice to my general manager, he only gets 10mpg with his Nissan Titan anyways. LOL. It'd probably improve the gas mileage! I'm thinking more along the lines of sending annoying people I know over to that store and bug the shit out of the GM and the assistant manager. Fuck, I'll pay people not to shop there and spread all kinds of bad word about that store around. But not until my friend goes on her pregnancy leave or she finds a new job. I don't want to fuck her over, just the assholes in charge.
I'm always in the gutter babe