pammy

Ick so since the breakup I've been feeling so down. I'm trying real hard to put up a good front. All of my friends are very supportive, but it was the WAY it was done that's getting to me. It was all I'm not as pretty or thin or good as someone else so now all I see when I look in the mirror is a yucky blob. His words keep ringing in my mind: "If I was just interested in looks, then someone else would be here instead of you" followed by realization that it was a super-shitty thing to say and apology. "ya know if you lost alot of your stomach your tits would look bigger" followed by realization that it was yet another super shitty thing to say and apology. "well yeah you are a big girl but you are on of those sexy ones so noone minds the extra weight" followed by...well you know...

Now I'm barraged with poeple saying what a complete ass he was for saying and doing what he did, but all i am sad about is that when it was good it was really really good and I miss his kids soo much. they were just amazing and they were just torn away from me so fast. i never got to say goodbye.

Like I said I'm trying real hard to buck up and get past it and deal. it's not like me to listen too much to negative shit about me, but man it keeps creeping back into my mind. I wish I looked different and it seems no amount of working out helps. It's twice as bad that roomie said that ex fed me too much and one could tell that it put some weight back on me. Followed by realization.........