Sorry I've been quiet!!
How are you all doing?
I'm graduating on Tuesday, SO HAPPY. I have made it this far. It's been a tough 3 years in many many ways, but I am beginning the next chapter of my life and couldn't be more excited.
Back to Canada in 3 weeks to see all my best friends, i can hardly contain my excitement.
I'm thinking about body a lot. I had a bad experience a couple weeks ago where I went through some intense body issues. At first, I felt disgusting. I hated the way I look and am and the space I take up. The next day I had a slightly unfortunate sexual experience (dont panic, nobody hurt me) and I felt a bit worthless. The next morning I woke up and had a very intense experience of which I can only describe body dysphoria. To my understanding, body dysphoria is often what trans people experience. For me, it's not that I feel I'm in the wrong body or that I actually want a male body, but I just feel like my body is a cage. Like it's a restricting, claustrophobic barrier between me and the rest of the world. I felt like I wanted to rip off my skin.
Fortunately, I had a wee bit of a drug induced spiritual experience this week that helped me to realize that my body is not a cage. Not only is it part of me, but it is part of the universe. There is not actually any line between me and the rest of the world.
Oh and I'm starting to experiment with film camera erotic selfies :)
