palebloom

okay, i am so fucking confused right now that it is ridiculous. my guts feel raw.

i do not understand how to let go of the last two years of my life. i do not understand how to get along without someone who was the only person i had for a while.

he was so important to me. i can't believe the way he left... or that he left at all.

trying to sleep is hell nowadays. i long for all those weeks when all i had to worry about was that starr was dead and my face was banged up. it was easy, compared to this. i had someone saying "how's your ear, honey?" every day...

granted, he wouldn't even take me to mcdonald's sometimes... ( i'm a cheap date, wtf? )

wait, what am i talking about? he lied to me. he lied to barbara. he's just like his father. just like him. he abandoned his children and he doesn't know who he is - worst of all, he can't admit it. he's bullshit.

all puffed up about his fucking studio job that doesn't even exist... and this stupid house with the HORRIBLY GAY DOLPHIN LAMPS and the dumb lighthouse motif in the bathroom and us in the bed with the corny black silk sheets...? all bullshit.

do i just keep having to think really hard about everything shitty he's ever done? is that what's supposed to happen now?

all that does is make me want to confront him. it's funny that he thought barbara and i would never talk again... that he could just lie out his ass and neither of us would ever find out.

i miss the person i thought he was.