Today I cried. I cried for love that I have, knowing it might not be forever. I cried for knowing the love of my parents did not last forever, and I cried because I don't want anything more than for my love to last forever. the most difficult and important thing in a relationship is compromise. When it comes down to it, I know I love my mister, and I cant imagine anything, no matter how big or small, coming between us. But I have seen it happen, and it terrifies me.
My parents were married for 18 years. They had their problems but I remember times when they were happy and they really did have fun together. Unless there is some big piece of information I missed, they simply could not confront their differences and they were not willing to change in the name of the love they once had. I know my parents had a lot in common. They loved the same music, they loved doing the same things. They subconsciously raised me with the same values they both hold, and here I am, a perfect mix of the two. From my looks, to my personality, I am split right down the middle. Their personalities differ greatly in some ways, and resemble each other in others. When they told me they were getting a divorce, I simply responded "its about time" at the time I had meant it, and I still do. However, if they had worked together earlier, and closed the gaps when they began to open, I believe they would have been able to work things out. I was never one of those kids who thought they were to blame, in fact, I knew that the blame was placed equally on both of them. My mother, a beautiful and strong person, is equally stubborn and un able to express herself when the time calls for it. My father, a wonderful and lively man, is easily hurt, and blows up with out realizing it. These vast differences is what eventually drove them apart. My mother, who doesn't know how strong she is until she is forced to realize it, refuses to forget. My father, who takes actions too quickly and regrets, doesn't realize the power of his words. Both, however, are more than capable of strong love, and trust.
Now I am older and I have the kind of relationship I believe they had. I know I will do anything in my power to learn from their mistakes and take time to make things right when they are wronged. Until I am married and have a family of my own, I will never know the magnitude of a divorce after years of marriage. However , I believe I have found a love just as powerful, that could one day lead to a life with a house and a family. Knowing and feeling this love, I begin to understand the other side of the separation. My relationship is not perfect, but it's the love we both know is there that keeps us coiled in each other's embrace night after night. I've slept at a friends house after a fight, not knowing what was to come, only to run home the next morning just to see mister's face before work. I've had mister leave the house enraged and not come back until the wee hours, only to scoop me in his arms and kiss me gently so I could finally drift off to sleep after hours of crying. These feelings and experiences are the reason I cried today. I cried for feeling the love I know my father had for her. I cried for the feeling of lost hope I know my mother had for her life she worked so hard to achieve. I cried because I have realized that what ever happens I will go on and live my life. I cried for the fact the my world wont stop if mister is not in my life any more. I cried because I never want to lose my true love like I know my parents did. I cried because I know that I could never feel the same without mister at my side. And I cried because I'm scared that I see them in me and I don't know how I can survive as such a complete mix of something that did not work out.
My parents were married for 18 years. They had their problems but I remember times when they were happy and they really did have fun together. Unless there is some big piece of information I missed, they simply could not confront their differences and they were not willing to change in the name of the love they once had. I know my parents had a lot in common. They loved the same music, they loved doing the same things. They subconsciously raised me with the same values they both hold, and here I am, a perfect mix of the two. From my looks, to my personality, I am split right down the middle. Their personalities differ greatly in some ways, and resemble each other in others. When they told me they were getting a divorce, I simply responded "its about time" at the time I had meant it, and I still do. However, if they had worked together earlier, and closed the gaps when they began to open, I believe they would have been able to work things out. I was never one of those kids who thought they were to blame, in fact, I knew that the blame was placed equally on both of them. My mother, a beautiful and strong person, is equally stubborn and un able to express herself when the time calls for it. My father, a wonderful and lively man, is easily hurt, and blows up with out realizing it. These vast differences is what eventually drove them apart. My mother, who doesn't know how strong she is until she is forced to realize it, refuses to forget. My father, who takes actions too quickly and regrets, doesn't realize the power of his words. Both, however, are more than capable of strong love, and trust.
Now I am older and I have the kind of relationship I believe they had. I know I will do anything in my power to learn from their mistakes and take time to make things right when they are wronged. Until I am married and have a family of my own, I will never know the magnitude of a divorce after years of marriage. However , I believe I have found a love just as powerful, that could one day lead to a life with a house and a family. Knowing and feeling this love, I begin to understand the other side of the separation. My relationship is not perfect, but it's the love we both know is there that keeps us coiled in each other's embrace night after night. I've slept at a friends house after a fight, not knowing what was to come, only to run home the next morning just to see mister's face before work. I've had mister leave the house enraged and not come back until the wee hours, only to scoop me in his arms and kiss me gently so I could finally drift off to sleep after hours of crying. These feelings and experiences are the reason I cried today. I cried for feeling the love I know my father had for her. I cried for the feeling of lost hope I know my mother had for her life she worked so hard to achieve. I cried because I have realized that what ever happens I will go on and live my life. I cried for the fact the my world wont stop if mister is not in my life any more. I cried because I never want to lose my true love like I know my parents did. I cried because I know that I could never feel the same without mister at my side. And I cried because I'm scared that I see them in me and I don't know how I can survive as such a complete mix of something that did not work out.
Stay strong.