pagz

So, it's been 13 days. I'm trying to keep perspective on things, but it's hard. I thought maybe if I tried to chroncile my relationship it might help. I'm not sure I can do it though. It's hard to lose the person you love most for reasons you can't understand and with no real warning. Am I supposed to just forget how I feel about her? Is that how this is supposed to work? Am I supposed to forget all the things she said to me or the promises she made? *sighs*

No, I don't think I'm ready to recount the details of my relationship yet, it hurts too much. Do I want her back? Very much. Do I care if anything has happened in the intervening time? No.

I had started going to therapy for her, just to work out a few issues that were lingering from when my first gf cheated on me. It was helping, everything seemed to be going well, and it was looking like the kind of thing wherein I would be pretty much well on my way to recovery in a month or so. Now...

My therapist suggested putting up a profile on some dating sites. I can't say I really understand why, it seems awfully soon to me. Not to mention I don't have eyes for anyone else. It's the strangest thing, and it never happened in my other relationships. I always looked and thought, but once I was with Shauna, it stopped. I could still tell if someone was pretty or not, but I ceased being interested in anyone but her. I put up a few profiles, but my heart just isn't in it. I've made them pretty unappealing, so hopefully no one will bother me. But at least I can point to them when the Dr asks.

Everyone keeps saying it'll get easier. Everyone is full of shit. Every day gets harder. Every day I miss her more. Does she miss me too? I don't know. She's been my best friend for 4 years, and now she won't even speak to me. I feel gutted.