padam

Oh my word, I am so sick of this.

I'm sick of never being able to be on my own.
Of never having my own space.
Of the suffocating feeling of being dependant on others.
Of never knowing what's coming next.
Of thinking I know someone, and being proven wrong.
Of having no where else to turn.
Of having to bite my tongue.
Of having to give my time away to people who don't appreciate it.
Of planning for things that will never happen.
Of hoping for things that never come.
Of having to scrimp and save for the smallest things, and then having to feel guilty for buying them.
Of feeling like a stranger in my own skin.
Of feeling this weight in my chest every day.
Of wishing I had made another choice.
Of hoping something miraculous would take me away from all of this shit.

Sick.