Employment.
Yesterday, I gave two weeks notice, with no full-time job offer in hand, the economy roiling, and people screaming about the debt ceiling. And I have not felt so relieved in many years.
For various reasons, I had ignored my instincts in taking this job for many of the reasons I've just mentioned: the economy sucks. I had been laid off about a year and a half ago, and had been working freelance; parts of me were unhappy with the instability. So when I was aggressively recruited by a certain company in DC, I eventually succumbed to the hard sell and took the job. The salary ended up being somewhat less than I had hoped for, the benefits insignificant, but it was steady W-2 employment with paid vacation and a paycheck every two weeks instead of Net-whenever. So who was I to complain?
Its been 4 months since I started. And its grown steadily more like freelance, only without the benefits of freelance. Ive worked 10, 12, 14, and even 16 hour days, 6 at a time. While I've done this as a freelancer, there was always a much higher reward; instead, there was just another unreachable goal laid before me with insufficient tools and emails from co-workers doing the weekend grind on their projects intended to inspire me as my family life slipped into oblivion.
After a particularly frustrating day last week, I did some math, and realized that on an hourly basis, I had made more in my first job out of the Navy in 1990.
I realize that my frustration is born of my self-reliant nature, thanks to years of freelancing and telecommuting. I have become entrepreneurial, which inherently makes me a bad employee for companies who treat employment traditionally (do what youre told, as youre told, for what we pay you and be happy about it). If I dont have skin in the game, a stake in the success that goes beyond a paycheck, then the salary quickly feels more like a leash than a wage. I could see the flaws in the system, but the boss knows how he wants things. I understand the business model of the company in detail, and rather than being given room to expand on it I am constrained by it. I understand what it was about me that just did not fit, and had no way to apply my talents in ways that would fix that.
Then theres the difference between the job market and the freelance market. I am highly aware of what I am worth on the market, and of what the best use of my skills is; I track the value of my words like some track their companys stock. I know what my knowledge is worth. While others in this economy cling to their jobs like a liferaft, I began to see mine for what it was: an anchor pulling me down.
So, I am re-entering the world of self-employment in one of the most uncertain economic times in decades. And I am smiling, because I am in control of my destiny.
Yesterday, I gave two weeks notice, with no full-time job offer in hand, the economy roiling, and people screaming about the debt ceiling. And I have not felt so relieved in many years.
For various reasons, I had ignored my instincts in taking this job for many of the reasons I've just mentioned: the economy sucks. I had been laid off about a year and a half ago, and had been working freelance; parts of me were unhappy with the instability. So when I was aggressively recruited by a certain company in DC, I eventually succumbed to the hard sell and took the job. The salary ended up being somewhat less than I had hoped for, the benefits insignificant, but it was steady W-2 employment with paid vacation and a paycheck every two weeks instead of Net-whenever. So who was I to complain?
Its been 4 months since I started. And its grown steadily more like freelance, only without the benefits of freelance. Ive worked 10, 12, 14, and even 16 hour days, 6 at a time. While I've done this as a freelancer, there was always a much higher reward; instead, there was just another unreachable goal laid before me with insufficient tools and emails from co-workers doing the weekend grind on their projects intended to inspire me as my family life slipped into oblivion.
After a particularly frustrating day last week, I did some math, and realized that on an hourly basis, I had made more in my first job out of the Navy in 1990.
I realize that my frustration is born of my self-reliant nature, thanks to years of freelancing and telecommuting. I have become entrepreneurial, which inherently makes me a bad employee for companies who treat employment traditionally (do what youre told, as youre told, for what we pay you and be happy about it). If I dont have skin in the game, a stake in the success that goes beyond a paycheck, then the salary quickly feels more like a leash than a wage. I could see the flaws in the system, but the boss knows how he wants things. I understand the business model of the company in detail, and rather than being given room to expand on it I am constrained by it. I understand what it was about me that just did not fit, and had no way to apply my talents in ways that would fix that.
Then theres the difference between the job market and the freelance market. I am highly aware of what I am worth on the market, and of what the best use of my skills is; I track the value of my words like some track their companys stock. I know what my knowledge is worth. While others in this economy cling to their jobs like a liferaft, I began to see mine for what it was: an anchor pulling me down.
So, I am re-entering the world of self-employment in one of the most uncertain economic times in decades. And I am smiling, because I am in control of my destiny.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
packetrat:
You're lovely, and the comment was well-deserved.
ritavonneurosis:
Thanx a lot for your support on my set! <3