outtolunch

Im tired of being me. I am here where all my "friends" are and there are a bunch of people wanting to hang out with me.... but they want to hang out with the old me.... like 5 years ago me. Every conversation I have with someone goes great untill they say something like "what are you doing tonight? we got some acid....what do you mean you arent into that anymore? well we have weed too if you dont want to do anything heavy.... You dont smoke anymore either? what the fuck? well at least have a beer with us..... hmmm well we gotta get going maybe we will see you around" As they drive away laughing about how much of a loser I am. It has happened twice so far, and I know it will happen at least one more time. The sad thing is we have had this conversation before and I cant tell if they are so braindead after years of that shit or if they were just hoping I had changed back. When I meet with those people the sentence "you used to be funnier" always pops up... I also used to be happy all the time because I thought my friends cared about ME, but now I realize it was just the cock and fart jokes they were after... and I do that way better when I am all fucked up on something. I also used to have to sell my blood plasma because noone would give me a job that pays more than minimum wage because I couldnt pass a drug test(like they still do, they split one car between 4 people because it took that many of them to come up with $600.. and no insurance).

Other than those assholes I am really confused about life right now... not as in thinking about going back to the old ways, I just know something has to change and I cant figure out what it is. Perhaps I will move into a cabin and be a hermit.. I am sure I could grow carrots and potatos.. What else could I possibly need?