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outrospective

Boulder, CO

Member Since 2008

Followers 2 Following 4

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Wednesday May 14, 2008

May 14, 2008
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Apparently this is how people get to know you here. Right. I'll play along.

Nearing the end of my divorce process, not that it really matters. We were only legally married, it was never anything more than that. I feel like I've been single for a lot longer.

I remember a while back when I was happy to be alone. Hell, I was happier without a girlfriend. I really wish I could reach back and find that person again. Right now I just feel lonely. I live in a piece of shit city with pretty much nothing to do except get drunk and gamble. I've taken to working out as often as my body lets me, since it takes my mind off things.

I never thought I'd wish to be busy, but now that I have a lull in between spring and summer semesters I'm going insane. I really don't have much in common with the majority of the populace it seems like. Always been that way, but back home in Colorado I'd accumulated a few people like me, and that was enough. Here I have no one. Yeah yeah, /wrists /emo and all that jazz.

How ironic that I'm the only guy in my program at school, and I really want a girlfriend. I don't really think I'd want any of them, they're a cool group of gals and we all get along well, but that's about it. There's just something small missing that prevents anything else, even good friendship. Just goes with being me.

That all being said... a couple weeks ago I thought I had one. Hell, we were together, for all of... I don't know. Not long. We'd known each other for several weeks, but I guess only the last week were we "official". We got along so well, and things were as perfect as they can be. Sex was great, yeah. But I'd gladly give that up just to have her back as a friend. Anyway, turns out she had a rule she forgot about that she wouldn't date until she figured out if she was leaving state for college in the fall. So, we haven't hung out or really talked for a few weeks. I've bugged her about it a few times, usually getting the run-a-round. I called her a couple days ago and said that I'd love to be her friend still, but not like this. Friends don't avoid seeing each other, or talk for five minutes once a week. I didn't really get much out of her, so I'm pretty sure that's done with. The only thing she told me (I'm serious) was that she didn't want to hang out because she can't keep her hands off me. Now, I've never thought of myself as being good looking really. Just average. At first I was flattered, and then I was pissed off. I never thought it would be a bad thing to be good looking, but apparently it is.

And the search continues...

Uhh... wow. Apparently I needed to rant to a bunch of people who have no idea who I am.
Here endeth the rant.

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